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Pace Yourself for Fun

by Emma Laurence

I decided to learn to play pickleball, just for fun. I didn’t want more stress, competition, or striving for excellence in my life. I wanted to enjoy the sport, to pace myself for fun.

To start, I took a pickleball clinic at a nearby recreation center. It was tough! In the first session I got completely overwhelmed. Too much information = not a good time. I couldn’t filter through all the rules, strategies, and scoring. I just wanted to practice getting the ball over the net.

Maybe for the first time in my life, I didn’t care about being good immediately. I wanted to meet my fellow players. I was willing to learn by making mistakes.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

I almost didn’t go back. But I’d paid for the clinic, and I don’t like to give up. So, I went the second time. This time wasn’t as much overwhelming as it was shame inducing. We learned how to serve by cycling through a drill where one person served and the other returned the ball. The whole group watched. Oy. I tensed right up and couldn’t even get the ball into the court.

Then I really didn’t want to go back.

I was up most of the night before session #3. It’s one thing to have patience with becoming good; it’s another to be painfully bad.

The Courage To Have Fun

Then I remembered that I get self-centered in these types of situations, making it all about me. It’s not about me! I’m not the center of the universe. This class is not about me; it’s about all of us learning together, including the teacher.

Actually, the teacher seemed as nervous to be teaching as I was to be singled out. Maybe that’s why she gave us so much information all at once. Or, why she said she wouldn’t be able to learn our names.

Now, I’ve been in the field of education a long time, and it would’ve been easy for me to blame her for not coming across as caring, or not being good at organizing the curriculum. But maybe she was just insecure, like me.

So I made a choice to override shame, pull together all my courage, and go again—reminding myself of the goal to have fun. If people pitied me, or no one wanted to play with me, oh well. By asking specific questions, maybe I could even help her to teach me better.

That class was the breakthrough! I noticed two things:

Relinquishing my place as the center of the universe, I observed that others looked ridiculous at times, too. And I saw that we all make great shots as well as bad shots.

Sometimes, it’s the courage to show up once more that allows an experience to flip over to fun.

Stretch But Don’t Break

The next week, I stretched further by attending open pickleball for beginners. I played with someone new. I liked her. She was forgiving.

One member of the other team looked older. Turned out, she was 80, and a fierce player. At one point, she stopped the game to call us over. She explained why we need three types of serves. Three types?! I knew I needed to practice my serve, but yikes. As I stepped back into position, I laughed to my partner, yeah, I’m just trying to get it over the net. I overcame potential self-judgment with humor. Such a victory.

I’ve given up joy so often in my life. I’ve done it to be more skilled, to be a high achiever, to meet or exceed job expectations, to do what I thought others wanted, to be “the best,”— whatever. Doing so sacrificed my own center, my sovereignty, and my enjoyment of life.

Not any more. Now, I’m practicing the key—the same one I used as a teacher. In education, you learn to pace the student to stretch, but not break. When I (as the student) lose the wonder, mystery, or joy, then learning becomes drudgery.

Pacing Yourself for Fun

So I’ve decided to pace myself for fun. I practice this in my work, too. I want to sustain the joy.

If we need to learn, or to live, at a slower pace than world-spin, let’s do it! Choosing to align with our heartbeat rather than the collective pulse increases our delight, our sense of awe, and our gratitude.

If we choose to sacrifice fun, at least we can do so purposefully.  

I’ll understand if some players don’t want me as a pickleball partner. But, honestly, I’m going to get so much better by encouraging myself to enjoy the process, one shot at a time.

Note: Since writing this blog, I have improved quite a bit by taking my own advice. 😀

If you know someone who might appreciate this story, please do share!

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Choosing My Own New Life

by Emma Laurence

Many losses during the last two years have had a surprising upside. They’ve given me the freedom and opportunity to choose my own new life. I don’t care much about normality. I’m discovering my own world, from the inside out.

Reclaiming the right to choose is my secret for living simply, joyfully, and sustainability.

I’m building a structure one habit and one choice at a time. I decide what gets my precious attention and what doesn’t. I decide what fills my days, and I watch carefully what fills my heart.

What Must Go in My Own New Life

What doesn’t make the cut in my new life is mainstream news media. Was that hard to give up? No, it was a relief.

Thankfully, my husband Bruce keeps up with world events for our household. He keeps me posted on the headlines.  

He finds inspiring stories to show me, such as “On the Road” with Steve Hartman—a CBS segment that’s been running for years. In fact, when it began, Steve and his crew would show up in Anytown, USA, open a phone book (what’s that?) and call a random person to ask if they could stop by. The team believed everyone had a story worth telling. As they talked with strangers, they uncovered that story.

Bruce also keeps track of documentaries I might appreciate, even if they’re a bit tough to watch, like the Naudet brothers’ film that followed Firehouse #1 on 9/11.

Social media is strictly limited. It’s not that I don’t care about others’ lives; it’s that the sheer volume is untenable and the interface scrambles my brain.

Old beliefs, and roles that I was certain were lifetime commitments, didn’t make the cut. Those were harder to surrender because without them, I questioned my identity.

Sometimes, these are difficult decisions. What stays or goes reflects new priorities.

What I Choose To Stay

I’ve noticed that what stays becomes increasingly more precious. The women in my family—sister, niece, and grandniece—are treasured. A few friendships I choose to nurture are deepening.

Creativity is dialed up! Singing again has made a huge difference in my ability to stay uplifted and joyful. Then, there’s writing, which both fuels and expresses my creative spark.

I’m focused more on welcoming new habits. A well-suited exercise routine is bringing physical strength. Pickleball has opened me to community that encourage playfulness over competition.

What stays has to align with fearless freedom, sustainability, or joy. Often, all of the above.

My New Habits and Practices

I’ve started to watch sunrises. They connect me with the earth and start my day with silent, often colorful, beauty.

I watch birds at the feeder. I watch my cat Zoey watch birds at the feeder.

I watch my reactions now, too. I take time to make decisions, and I try to be aware when other people’s thoughts or fears push me around.

I soak in the winter sunlight from our southern exposure windows, and open those windows for fresh air, even when the temperature is below zero.

I love seeing neighborhood dogs run in the snow.

I appreciate the simple kindnesses of strangers who bag my groceries or hold open a door to the rec center.

I’m ever grateful for my old Honda Civic that can still go another 100,000 miles.

I’ve given up self-punishment in favor of self-forgiveness, and worry in favor of curiosity.

I’m experiencing direct perception of a tangible, higher love that’s training me.

I’ve given up taking care of others when they haven’t even asked.

Finally, I’ve stopped behaving as if money is a God who requires the sacrifice of my health, wellbeing, and life force.

I’ve begun to cherish time with my husband in these days of simple living that roll through an evening, one into another.

I’ve found myself amazed at my existence—the wonder of being made of stardust, and the power of the body to heal itself.

Albert Einstein famously said, There are only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

In my own new life, I choose.


Portrait of Emma & Grandniece Natalie by Mary Ann Baxter

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We Are Stardust

by Emma Laurence

We are made out of stardust.
The iron in the hemoglobin molecules in the blood in your right hand
came from a star that blew up 8 billion years ago.
The iron in your left hand came from another star.

—Jill Tarter, American Astronomer and SETI Pioneer

Inspired by a YA novel I read that quoted famous astronomers, I began looking at a much larger view of my little life on earth.

Jill Tarter has been awarded two Exceptional Public Service medals from NASA, as well as the Women in Aerospace Lifetime Achievement Award. The bulk of her work is in the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI), which “uses the tools of astronomy to try to find evidence of someone else’s technology out there. Our own technologies are visible in interstellar distances and theirs might be as well.”

I love when concepts like ‘extraterrestrial technologies out there’ blow my mind. The fact that my molecules came from exploding stars billions of years ago puts today in a different context. It takes me out of my petty ego, the part that would believe it’s the center of the universe, if I let it.

I’d rather expand like an exploding star.

I feel such a sense of awe looking skyward. It’s a childlike wonder that comes from having no preconceptions or expectations.

I’ve had a powerful connection to the constellation Orion for as long as I can remember—as if it’s home. [My friend Larry Siegel’s song “Orion” captures this beautifully: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa_YTtryXXk]

I mean, doesn’t it seem like a miracle to you, that your body is actually stardust?

It’s all perspective. Rather than narrow my focus to human limitations or, worse yet, to socio-political dramas, I choose astronomical expansion.

Comfortable in the Universe

Once I got into space, I was feeling very comfortable in the universe.
I felt like I had a right to be anywhere in this universe, that I belonged here
as much as any speck of stardust, any comet, any planet.

—Mae Jemison, NASA Astronaut

Engineer, doctor, and NASA astronaut Mae Jemison became the first African American woman to travel in space in 1992. What an impressive biography, and she’s delightful: https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/video/mae-jemison-i-wanted-to-go-into-space/

Dr. Jemison experienced belonging in space. I found this astonishing. When looking at something so vast, I tend to shrink in comparison.  Do you?

Now I wonder if I’d feel more comfortable in space than I do here on earth. Or if I’d experience the sense of home I feel when I gaze at Orion.

Before the Beginning of Time

We are made of stardust; our whole body consists of material
that has been here before the beginning of time.

—Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, Swiss-born Writer, Ufologist, TV Producer

Here we are again, with a concept the mind cannot possibly comprehend—before the beginning of time. We live under the influence of clock-time. We crave vacations or rare weekend days when we can ignore the passing of hours and the tasks we believe must be accomplished within them.

But beingness existed before man-made clocks. Before measured time was duration, as in how long the sun’s rays fell on the fields, or how long snow lingered in spring. The body’s aging process indicated duration.

Today, our sense of time strangles us when we allow it to dictate our actions. With limited awareness of our internal rhythm, and little alignment with the movement of heavenly bodies, human time often manufactures misery.

Hang in There!

Friend, you are a divine mingle-mangle of guts and stardust. So hang in there!
If doors opened for me, they can open for anyone.

—Frank Capra, Italian-Born Film Director

Frank Capra produced and directed the iconic film It’s A Wonderful Life. This holiday story, written by Philip Van Doren Stern (allegedly as a short story to include in his Christmas cards) explores the theme human suffering and emptiness, such that we no longer see ourselves as a wondrous part of an immense and beautiful universe.

Yet, as Capra suggests, the doors can open for anyone, anytime. And as the film suggests, we can see how deeply meaningful we are to the universe with a shift in perspective.

Shift Perspective Tonight

So, take a look at the sky tonight and remember that you’re living beyond a movie set. Be willing to be fully alive, to be amazed by your speck of stardust in an endless, expanding universe of heavenly bodies.

*************

If you know someone who would be inspired by this topic,
please feel free to share!

Photo by NASA on NASA.Gov. This composite image contains X-ray data from NASA’s Chandra X-ray Observatory and the ROSAT telescope (purple), infrared data from NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope (orange), and optical data from the SuperCosmos Sky Survey (blue) made by the United Kingdom Infrared Telescope.

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Activate Your Highest Vision: The Cyclical Rhythm

by Emma Laurence

This blog is part three in the Activate Your Highest Vision series.

If you’re struggling with a strictly linear approach to activating your highest vision, you’ll be happy to hear it’s not the only one. Coaching Millennials taught me to recognize and identify other ways to build dreams. If you want to make it easier on yourself, let go of self-judgment and choose an approach that’s more in harmony with you. Could that be a cyclical rhythm? Let’s find out.

What is the Cyclical Rhythm?

While a linear approach is illustrated by a straight line—steps in sequence from where you are now to where you want to be—the cyclical rhythm is represented by a circle.  We use the cyclical rhythm to activate our vision when we set up repeated actions at frequency intervals. We’ve all done this without even thinking about why or how it works!

Have you ever felt compelled to set up a new, positive habit? What did you tell yourself? Maybe things like, I want to meditate every day; I need to exercise three times a week; I’ve got to do my accounting once a month; every year I want to reassess my goals. That’s a cyclical approach—it’s a circle, not a line. And if you were consistent in repeating actions over time, didn’t momentum take over?

The cyclical rhythm is like a wheel that spins and moves you forward, just like hopping on your bike takes you further than you could walk on your own. Your tires turn and gain traction. This rhythm is very effective for establishing healthy habits—and for taking you the distance in activating larger life goals.

A Cyclical Rhythm Success Story

A Millennial client whom I’ll call Jenny (not her real name) wanted to grow her passion for organic, sustainable farming into a business. She and her partner moved to a new home on a beautiful piece of land with plenty of open space to build large gardens. Jenny loved farmer’s markets, and she had a future vision of creating a retreat center for others to reconnect with nature and learn to grow their own organic food.

When Jenny came to coaching she said, I don’t know what’s the matter with me; I can’t even get the seeds in the ground. I was curious. What’s blocking this very bright, clearly intentioned, and fully capable woman from starting her garden?

Then, I remembered the cyclical rhythm. This individual is connected to nature, and nature cycles through seasons. I’ll bet if Jenny shifts to a cyclical rhythm, I thought, she’ll get unstuck, find her way forward, and gain momentum. This approach would re-align Jenny with her natural rhythm and honor her growth process.

I asked Jenny what she needed to do each month, starting in spring, to have a harvest in the fall.  Then, we further broke down what needed tending each week—like adding manure to enrich the soil, building a deer fence, or consulting a friend who’s an expert. Simultaneously, Jenny learned to tend herself with uplifting daily and weekly habits to sustain her energy and balance. Coaching check-ins supported her in maintaining these cycles long enough for the momentum to shift.

The cyclical pattern set Jenny’s wheels into motion. Her garden is flourishing now. She continues to activate her highest vision by tending herself and her garden at daily, weekly, and monthly intervals. Every small action is a seed that takes root and grows when given the proper conditions. 

Could the Cyclical Rhythm Work for Me?

How do you know if this approach will grow your business, your relationships, or your life’s dream, like Jenny grew her garden? 

While a linear model requires a clear vision, manageable steps, and persistence to succeed [see part 2 of this series for the linear approach], the cyclical rhythm has its own requirements. In this model, the desired vision also needs to be clear. But, rather than steps in a sequence, the cyclical rhythm requires you to identify smaller actions which, when repeated, will gain traction. And, the quality most needed for this style to work is consistency.

Coaching in the cyclical model helps you choose right actions. It supports discipline with kind accountability until the tipping point of momentum takes over. Support is often needed when that momentum kicks into gear and adjustments must be made quickly!

But, What If I’m In a Constant Spin Cycle?

We don’t all find our solution in the cyclical approach. You’ll know this model is not working if you feel like you’re stuck in a loop. You’re spinning your wheels, but getting nowhere. And, you seem to be facing the same issue or obstacle over and over again. That’s when you know it’s time for a change in addressing that particular area of your life.

Fortunately, there are other options! Keep reading the series to learn more about serpentine, figure eight, and universal approaches, which are increasingly innovative and creative. Ultimately, you want to move among these rhythms, to use what works for you in the moment, tailored to your current situation. That’s the freedom of living intentionally, sustainably, and joyfully.

Photo by Dhaya Eddine Bentaleb on Unsplash

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Activate Your Highest Vision: The Linear Model

by Emma Laurence

This blog is part two in the Activate Your Highest Vision series.

Activating your vision means you’re actively working on your dream this moment, this day. So, let’s explore ways to engage the dream-building process. We’ll start with the most familiar, the linear model.

In school, the linear model is really the only way we’re taught to reach our goals. The shape is a straight line, wherein sequential, actionable steps get you from point A to point B.  Everything from the scientific method, to algebraic equations, to foreign language syntax—even our educational system itself—is linear-based.

Now, actions in sequence can be effective for achieving goals IF you’re clear on your vision, you’ve broken down the correct steps into manageable tasks, and you’re persistent.

For example, let’s say you want to learn to play guitar. Buying, borrowing, or renting an instrument is a clear first step, followed by taking lessons or just playing around until you figure things out on your own. Eventually, if you keep showing up, you’ll learn to play. Nothing very new in this approach.

Activate Your Vision With a Linear Model

In coaching, the linear model can be used creatively, with an activation angle. Case in point, a colleague of mine coached a company’s sales team to increase revenue in a flat market. Patrick identified an energy decline on Friday afternoons and a slow ramp up to momentum Monday mornings as what needed addressing.

First, Patrick invented a way to activate a higher vision, with the slogan, “Fridays make your best Mondays.” On Friday morning, sales reps listed 10-15 local area prospects that would be a big win. Next, Patrick provided small steps towards an increased sales goal. Team members were to visit the premises of their prospect list on Friday afternoon to check out the landscape, the neighborhood, and the vibe. Then, all gathered back at the office for a pizza party to share insights.

By Monday, reps were poised to enter the building, greet the receptionist, and get the name of the person in charge of marketing. Other incremental steps built on one another. Enjoyable, actionable tasks in sequence moved the team towards the higher vision. [check out Patrick Kagan’s Sales Hindsights podcast for more on this story.]

Linear success comes from clear vision, manageable tasks, and persistence. 

In daily life, a linear approach works, too. Driving to a favorite restaurant, or following a recipe, requires the linear approach. The vital importance of sequence is made clear when you’re having surgery. You want your anesthesiologist to do his job before your surgeon does hers!

But, Is the Linear Model Working for Me?

An interviewer once asked me, how do you know if the linear model is working when you’re in the middle of a large project? He couldn’t always tell if he was making real progress towards his overall goal.

The linear path works best when you’re relaxed and enjoying a pace that’s sustainable—a healthy, happy rhythm that’s in alignment with you. In the success zone, you move fairly easily, though not without obstacles, from one step to the next. More importantly, incremental progress, growth, or expansion will move you forward and upwards, like steps in staircase. You’ll be able to measure the success rate of smaller steps in and of themselves—and, you’ll gain traction. Result? You get closer to the vision you imagined possible.

If the linear approach is not working, you’ll always feel that your goal remains in the distance. You’ll reach for something that’s ever receding. It’s the carrot dangle; the end does not come closer. And the more you do, the more needs to be done.

Clients who are unsuccessful with the linear model often say, I feel like I’m taking one step forward and two steps back. This language indicates to me that they’re trying to move in a straight line, and it’s not effective. 

Is It Possible I’m Not a Linear Person?

Yes! It’s very possible that a linear approach is not for you; and, it’s not the only one. When people, especially Millennials, show up at my door who have tried reaching a goal this way, they often tell me, in frustration, or even tears:

I can’t get there;

I can’t do this;

What’s wrong with me?;

I’m a failure;

Why can’t I do this?!

And I say, You’re not a failure. You just need a different approach. By working with many talented and spirited clients, I’ve been able to identify four other ways to activate your highest vision—cyclical, serpentine, figure eight, and universal. Each style is increasingly non-linear.

So, if you’re struggling in a linear world, please keep reading this blog series. Maybe you’re more creative than you think.

Photo by Ruffa Jane Reyes on Unsplash

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Activate Your Highest Vision, Part 1

by Emma Laurence

This is part one in a blog series on how to activate the highest vision of your life.

If the highest and best vision for your life (or your business) were to be fully realized now, what would it look like?

Watch how this question opens a door to the specific dream currently living in your imagination. Be brave. Enter this new room by letting yourself explore the sights, sounds, and feelings of your highest ideal or greatest passion, fully realized.

Now, you have full permission to be creative in this process. Write or paint your vision, sing or dance it. For creative people, even the sky isn’t a limit—and dreams do come true.

How dreams come true is the focus of this blog series. So, let’s begin.

If You Can Picture It, It’s Here Now

If you’re ready to enjoy the freedom and accept the responsibility of creating your own world, there’s a key principle to embody:

The present moment is the only one in which dreams are made or broken.

Similarly, fears are overcome or given into in this moment. Life is either fully lived or denied—one moment at a time.

So, how does this principle play out when activating your vision?

If you can picture what you’d love to create, it already exists now. If you can imagine the sights, sounds, and feelings, it’s already here. You might say, yeah, but it’s just in my imagination. True. And which, of all the inventions in human history, hasn’t first begun in someone’s imagination?

Therefore, holding the vision in this moment of what you believe possible means it already exists somewhere. Think of it as dwelling in a parallel universe, if you like. Or, in “the future,” if that helps. Don’t let the mind get too concerned about where or when. Just be willing to entertain the possibility that your vision is, relatively speaking, real.

How ‘Activate Your Highest Vision’ Works

The word activate is powerful. It involves action, here and now, that brings the power of potential into reality.

Let’s take a simple example. You go hiking with friends, and at the summit, you all lean in for a selfie. And you’re not surprised when, less than a second later, you’re looking at that same image on your screen.

The activation of a dream works the same way. It just takes more time.

For example, back up to when you first decide you want to go hiking. You have a vision of you, your dog, and a couple of friends piling into your Honda, heading out of town on Saturday morning. You can see the group hitting the trailhead, laughing as you walk up the path, stopping to snack at a waterfall, and enjoying an amazing landscape view at the top.

Wouldn’t that be fun? Yes! You can almost feel that joy right now.

While it may take days, and certain preparations, for you to have the hiking experience, you’ve actually set up the image in your mind in much the same way as you used your phone.

So, frame the shot, do the work—image realized.

What Form Does ‘Activate Your Highest Vision’ Take?

The real question most people bring to coaching when they want to activate their vision is, how will this take shape in my everyday life?

Honestly, by the time a client gets to me, the manifestation or how is already taking form. It’s happening! When you’re in transition, it’s difficult to get the overview. But, the beginnings of a new life are already present—or you wouldn’t even be seeking help to make a change.

So, what’s already showing up? And, how will your dream take form in daily life?

The rest of the blogs in this series will address the form of your journey. I’ve identified five different rhythms that you naturally use to activate your highest and best—without even realizing you’re doing it! These rhythms are like forms in motion.

Learning your natural rhythm is a huge gift! You get to relax. You recognize your own genius. And you gain confidence to bring your vision into physical reality, one action at a time.

So, keep reading! See if one of the rhythms—linear, cyclical, serpentine, figure 8, or universal—makes sense for you. You can stop “reaching to achieve” your goal. Instead, begin to activate your highest vision, now.

Photo by Peter Conlan on Unsplash

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Believe in Yourself

by Emma Laurence

Lucas Glover won on the PGA tour last weekend after a ten-year drought. When asked what it took to believe in himself for that long, he answered: I knew it was in there… I never lost site in believing I could do this and win again. Probably the most gratifying thing is I proved myself right… It’s always nice to prove yourself right when you truly believe in something.

Do You Truly Believe in Yourself?

Often, if we’re honest, we do truly believe in our own talents. We know there’s an ability inside us that could flourish, “if we only had the right outer conditions.”

We may blame our upbringing, society, the political climate, climate change, or any number of external factors for not being able to bring forward our best yet.

However, we also know that the responsibility lies with us for our success, in whatever way we might define the term.

We need to invite the right conditions! So, here are three tips to set yourself up for the long-term win and prove yourself right.

Tip #1: Stop Lying to Yourself

I have to be honest. A very high percentage of the clients and students I’ve worked with over the years sell themselves way short.

They struggle with bad habits such as focusing on all their faults, tearing themselves down as they’re learning, and being far too hard on themselves.

If you’re being too hard on yourself, you’re making life harder than it needs to be.

Negative thoughts like this are actually lies. Telling yourself you’re not good enough, you’re an idiot, or you’ll never be able to breakthrough is simply not true.

Training yourself to believe bad things erodes your self-esteem from underneath. It’s time to stop that. [For a related laugh, see the SNL sketch “Stop It.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw]

Meanwhile, for heaven’s sake, don’t use un-accomplished things on your to-do list as weapons against yourself, “proving” you’re a failure.

Rather than running lies to yourself on repeat, put your attention on the truth. Write down a list of truths about yourself. What do you really know?

As an example, you’re smart, capable, and courageous. You have everything you need inside you to bring out your gift.  And if you just do your part, life will do the rest.

Tip #2: Create a Sustainable Micro-Practice

This is your part. Crafting an individualized practice to sustain you physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually is your creative job.

So, where do you start?

Make it a game to discover what one thing will boost your health, happiness, peace, and joy. In fact, start with identifying what brings you joy, and you’ll have fuel to move forward on the rest.

Look for a small, sustainable micro-practice in each area. You’re not bringing perfectionism or overachievement into this exercise. As my husband often reminds me, lower the bar.

Worried about adding activities into your already full schedule? One simple practice for your health, happiness, peace, and joy doesn’t have to add time. In fact, taking something away from your schedule, or swapping out, might be the right micro-practice for you.

For example, stop reading the news for more than a brief look at the headlines. Replacing that news media time with listening to an uplifting song every day can raise your spirits and set a happy groove.

Or, practice deeper breathing every time you answer an email. This slows your pace and even helps you communicate better.

Your personal joy habit may take more time investment, like that walk with your dog, or a weekend away. But, it might be as easy as buying yourself flowers from the grocery store, a trip you were going to make anyway.

Yes, you’ll expand to longer practices over time. But never underestimate the power of the micro-practice.

Tip #3: Have Absolute Patience

I once attended a talk by a spiritual teacher who offered four tips to smooth our way in life. He ended with what he said should have been first (but he put it last so the audience would remember).

Have absolute patience, he said, because you’re gonna need it.

I’ve remembered that tip—and the humor that came with it—many times since. While impatience makes life a lot harder, patience makes life easier. It’s that simple.

Most of our energy drain comes from being reactive to things we don’t like: a perceived slight from a friend, a choice our partner or boss makes that we really disagree with, or the injustices of the world.

We get frustrated, upset, even outraged. Our bodies, emotions, and thoughts balloon with inflammation. No wonder there are more kinds of inflammatory disease in the world than any other.

Instead, find what works for you to calm the flames. Quiet down. Only then can you see your way to a better response, if one is even necessary.

Prove Yourself Right

What gift is inside you that no one else yet knows about?

If the very best inside you is struggling to get out, or you want to upgrade your job, health, or relationships, set the goal of proving yourself right.

To prove yourself right, you don’t need to believe in yourself 100%. You only need to believe your desire or goal is possible.

Discover how the shift to telling yourself the truth strengthens you in the short term, and builds much-needed self-trust for the long term.

Watch how micro-practices build momentum, as they become a part of your routine and your character.

And the next time you find yourself waiting, enjoy it as an opportunity to develop absolute patience. Cause you’re gonna need it. 🙂

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Photo by Katrina Wright on Unsplash

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Call of the Loons

by Emma Laurence

I wake at 4:45am to kayak before sunrise. It’s our last morning on Lake Andrusia in northern Minnesota. I love the call of the loons, and rising before dawn means I might savor that sound one last time.

While not quite in my body yet, I manage my clothes, life jacket, and hat. I stumble out the cabin door with one thing in mind, get to the kayak—which is why I don’t see the great blue heron until I startle her into flight.

Stop, Emma, I chide myself. Slow down, match the stillness of the morning, and listen. As I watch the wide, slate blue wingspan lift, I recalibrate my pace to the surrounding stillness.

And at that moment, a loon’s two-toned call rises from the north, answered by the same interval from the east. The sound causes me to inhale a quick breath of delight. Then, I hold and wait.

Meanwhile, a mother duck and seven baby ducklings gently bob along the shoreline. I watch them glide under the dock and continue their morning swim towards the Mississippi River.

When all quiets again, I flip the kayak that’d been resting upside down on the sandy beach. I choose a paddle among those leaning against the boathouse. The kayak scrapes the shallow bottom as I push out into smooth, glassy water.

This hour of pre-dawn holds treasures like no other.

I paddle towards the east where light glows just above the tree line of the far shore. As I float forward, the color intensifies to a deep salmon.

Mid-lake, I pause to look back. To my surprise, the full moon is still visible in the western sky. Thin, translucent clouds cross its orb, creating a misty effect.

The southern sky is pale blue, mostly cloudless. In contrast, the northern sky is cloud-covered.

To the east, the rich salmon glow softens to purple gray. Light cast from the coming sunrise tints surrounding striated clouds a pale pink.

Silence. A fish jumps. Now, the fading purple is gradually replaced by gold.

And still, my heart dares to hope for more loons.

That’s when they call again! Yes, it’s a 1-4, I check with my memory of musical intervals. Then a 1-4-7. Then higher—and laughter, like a kookaburra.

I watch the golden glow build in brilliance until the sun’s rays pierce the horizon, stinging my eyes.

This feels like a sacred initiation.

I pivot the boat 360 degrees, like a camera panning the lake’s full form.

The hum of a small motor heralds the start of the fishing day. My kayak rocks slightly as the wind picks up. A sound vibrates in my right ear, as if my eardrum is fluttering.

In time, I paddle back to shore, changed. This is what I came for—wilderness, beauty, stillness, and silence. Except for the haunting, healing call of the loons.

Photo by Bruce Fuller

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Don’t Go Back—Go Forward!

by Emma Laurence

Covid changed everything, one Millennial businesswoman told me this week. How do we not return to our old patterns? asked another. And what’s the new toolset? added a third. When I replied, you mean, don’t go back—go forward? the answer was a resounding yes! Here’s how that’s possible.

The Gift of Covid-19

If Covid changed your priorities, or awakened a dream in you, this is your call to move forward in a new way. For all the challenges a world pandemic brings, the opportunity is just as great.

Change leads to re-discovery of our deepest values, priorities, and dreams. Can we allow the rubble at our feet to disintegrate and welcome new building materials? If so, we can craft a tailor-made life that’s far better than the old.

A Tailor-Made Life

What are these new building materials? In working with hundreds of students and clients over years, I’ve identified three elements that make for an easier transition from old to new—commitment, pace, and disciplined practice. These elements, when they arise from within, not only provide a smooth transition, they actually reveal the new structure.

Let’s look at each one separately, so you can gauge where you’re at now, and find your next step.

#1: Commitment

Have you identified what matters most to you in your life? If not, commit to this as your first inquiry. But, if you know what’s on your short list, you’re ready to look at the level of commitment you’re willing to invest.

Now, Millennials having trouble with commitment is a popular judgment, even within members of their own generation. I don’t buy the stereotype. The Millennials I’ve worked with for decades as a teacher, director, and coach are very committed to their dreams. Every generation has its stars and its slackers.

The commitment question is simply what are you willing to give for what you want to get? Each of us has freedom to choose how much time, money, energy, and love we want to give to a project.

Dreams are the kind of projects that bring joy to even think about—a sure sign our hearts want to invest. Joy is the fuel of commitment. Start with joy and you’ll find out where you really stand.

#2: Pace

Once you know what you’re willing to give or not, you can align with a long-term view of how to manifest that dream. Short-term, full-throttle energy as a lifestyle always leads to burnout. That’s one of those don’t go back habits.

Our quality of life depends more on pace than nearly any other factor. Why? Most of us bought into a cultural illusion that faster is always better. Frantic striving to keep up a social media image, an overstuffed work schedule, and an out-of-balance personal to-do list only prove you’ve bought into someone else’s pace. And that robs you of your joy.

Faster is not always better. Life is a wave—sometimes fast, sometimes slow—that we can ride. We don’t need the anxious, panicked sprint anymore. That’s another one of those don’t go back habits.

Instead, discover your true, healthy pace—and trust it. Trust life to bring you what you need. Yes, you can learn how to cultivate trust.

#3 Disciplined Practices

The best definition of discipline I ever heard was from David Campbell, founder of Saks Fifth Avenue.  He said, discipline is remembering what you want.

Our daily, weekly, and monthly practices are where the rubber meets the road. To build a new structure, we must be willing to establish those practices that provide the stability and the grace for change.

What are your practices? What diet, exercise, work/life balance, relationships, hobbies, or spiritual explorations will support the new vision? Remember, even if you can’t yet see that vision, you can still engage the disciplines that will carry you through the transition time.

Joyful practices are easy. Every time I get in a kayak or on a bike, I feel joy. It’s exercise, but I’m not grinding at it. Sometimes when I do a vocal warm-up, though, I have to remember I want to get my singing voice back in shape.  For that result, I must put in technical work.

Don’t Go Back—Go Forward

Start by identifying what you want. If you only know what you don’t want, start by making a commitment to change. Then, explore! Let life show you something unexpected, and be willing to be happily surprised.

Once you catch the joy, let it fuel you. Choose your healthy pace. Set up disciplined practices to support a long-term view. 

If you need help in any step, reach out. So many great coaches, teachers, therapists, and mentors are committed to helping you do it your way. I’m one of many.

So, no excuses: don’t go back—go forward!

Photo by Armand Khoury on Unsplash

Information on a free assessment: https://lifeiscoachingyou.com/contact-emma/

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Your ‘Gold Butterfly’ Life Message?

by Emma Laurence

Life sends me messages day and night. Slowly, I’ve begun to learn the unique language in which life speaks to my heart. I help my clients to do the same. When I notice a life message that’s right in front of them, I ask a follow up question. Often, they’ve missed a big clue to their urgent concern or challenge. This gift, tailored to each individual, is what I’m now calling, a ‘gold butterfly.’ Here’s why:

The Set Up

My husband and I had new carpet installed in our small living room. It’s the only downstairs space that’s carpeted, and we decided to test out this room before upgrading the whole upstairs.

Thank God we did! The outgassing from one room of new carpeting made all of us (husband, wife, and cat) sick. We had headaches. My body went into fight-or-flight and would tremble if I went downstairs. Our cat was hangdog.

Bit by bit, we found ways to address the troublesome toxic fumes. Besides opening windows and wedging in an outwards-blowing fan, we swept baking soda into the fibers to absorb odors. We vacuumed vigorously, and even borrowed a second air purifier to run both 24/7.

Life Message

At one point, I had to stay overnight with friends to take a break from the fumes. That night, I asked what life was trying to teach me about outgassing. I became the curious explorer: what were these toxic fumes teaching me about my own state of mind?

Was it an uncomfortable sleeping night? Yep. But by morning I had an answer. I needed to take more responsibility for an embarrassing habit. Without fully realizing it, I’d been engaging in gossip in two ways.

First, I’d been listening to a neighbor complain and blame others for a problem in her life. I was trying to be a compassionate listener, but every time we met, she got into a bad groove. So, I was not helping her (or me) by providing a listening ear.

Second, I’d been expressing negative opinions about a group of people whose behavior outraged me.  My inner critic had been outgassing.

I once heard a spiritual teacher describe gossip as poison. Just poison. He warned against indulging this habit or even being around those who do.

The Gold Butterfly

That morning at my friend’s house, I felt a bit vulnerable and disappointed in myself. How had I not caught this before life had to send such a dramatic message? I didn’t judge or punish myself as I’ve done in the past. But I did feel a little down.

Then, when I got out of bed, I discovered a gold butterfly ornament that I’d apparently been lying on all night. I had no idea where it came from—and neither did my friends! Though they recognized the butterfly as part of their collection, they couldn’t imagine how it got into the sheets of the guest bed.

For me, this gift required little interpretation. The butterfly was me, choosing a higher level of refinement. This life message confirmed that I was on the right track. The gold butterfly was a sweet reminder to be kind to myself as I transformed.

The Practical Remedy

Life always answers my questions in a practical sense, too. What was I learning in physical terms? That next day, my husband and I discovered a mineral called zeolite.  Among other things, it’s used for water treatment in aquariums, odor absorption in cat litter boxes, and toxic gas elimination in carpets.

When the zeolite arrived, we spread it on the carpet, worked it into the fibers, and waited an hour. With intensive vacuuming, 80-90% of the problem resolved.

[Note: For those of you who chant as part of your spiritual practice, you’ll get a laugh that I started chanting zeolite even before the product arrived. The word had special meaning for me. I wanted to experiment with cleaning up mental outgassing, and it worked!]

Your Tailor-Made Message?

Could a life message of support, healing, or encouragement be right in front of you now as you navigate your daily stressors? What might that be?

Any symbol, image, or sound that grabs our attention can be a gift just waiting to be received. Often, I find it’s best to decode through the heart rather than the mind. The mind can endlessly interpret, but the heart recognizes love instantly.

More about that in a future post. Meanwhile, let me know if you discover a gold butterfly in your midst.

Photo by Melanie Morales on Unsplash

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