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What Brings You Joy?

by Emma Laurence

My husband and I anticipated the joy kittens would bring to our home.  The vet was 90% sure our newly adopted cat was pregnant.  And though she couldn’t feel individual kittens, she predicted we’d have a brood in three weeks.

Then, a turn of events.  Our cat began behaving like she was in heat.  Hmmm, we thought.  What about the other 10%?

After a few days of this behavior, we called the vet to chat.  She agreed that she’d misread the swollen belly as pregnancy rather than hormonal build up to estrus.

Isn’t it a curious moment when, having planned for one outcome, Life takes a 180 degree turn?  I felt sad as I disassembled the dream of playfulness, cuteness and laughter filling our home. 

This wasn’t a severe disappointment, but the process seems to be the same for releasing human emotions.  Grief, felt at various depths, eventually gives way to acceptance.  Life does go on.

A younger version of me would have spent a lot of time analyzing the possible reasons—human or divine—for this abrupt change.  I might have wondered how I, and the vet, made such a mistake.  More likely, I’d have questioned what Life was trying to teach me about the build up and dashing of expectations, or about investing in a specific future.

Present-day me moved through that stage quickly.  Instead, I watched images of a future with kittens dissolve.  I didn’t dwell on blame or questions.  I gave thanks for our cat, Zoey, in our lives and let it be.  I let the sadness be, too.

The next day, a wise friend happened to ask, what are you doing right now in your life to bring you joy?  Great question.  I had to admit I wasn’t being proactive.  I was slumping, waiting for something outside me (like a houseful of kittens?) to bring me joy. 

She then shared a technique she invented to practice wellness.  She makes a list of things that her bring joy and does one an hour.  It might be as simple as listening to a particular song, or making soup, or journaling.

I loved this idea and started right away doing small things to inspire joy.  I drove by the llama farm to catch a glimpse of the newborns, took a walk in the sunlight, and listened to “Gabriel’s Oboe” performed by Henrik Chaim Goldschmidt.                        

Soon, I felt much lighter.

Now, I don’t expect to live in a joyful place all the time.  I don’t even believe that’s the goal.  But I do need a balance in tough times. 

I wonder, what might make your list?

Joy lives inside us.  Though prompted by people, animals, places or things, the qualitative experience we call joy is inward.  It’s our choice when to reach for that ever-present state and how to prompt an opening heart. 

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

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When Life Brings More Than You Expect!

by Emma Laurence

Meet Zoey.  We adopted her a month ago after my husband spotted her picture in an online listing. I was making breakfast one morning when I heard him say Oh…in that two-tone descending pitch that means someone just stole my heart.  I stepped over to peer at his laptop screen as soon as I could leave the stove.

Oh, my… Yep, that’s her, I thought, as we read Zoey’s story.  She looked intelligent, petite and sweet.  She was just under a year old; the owners were moving and had to rehome her asap. 

We’d been scanning photos for months, during which time we’d met two cats that were not a match.  We wondered when our cat (or small dog) would appear.  That afternoon, honoring social distancing with the humans, we picked Zoey up and brought her home. 

Zoey needed a few days to get used to us, but she never hid in fear.  She loved the sliding glass doors to the backyard and the many windows of our townhome.  We played laser light tag with her and provided plenty of space/time to adjust.  After a few weeks, she made a habit of jumping onto my lap every time I sat on the couch.

Then an unexpected development unfolded.  I had occasion to lift Zoey off a forbidden piece of furniture when I noticed she seemed heavier than before.  She’d been eating plenty in the transition from dry to canned food.  Yet she carried this extra weight in her lower belly, and I got the distinct impression she was pregnant. 

I texted the previous owner, is it even possible that… was she perhaps in contact with…?  Answers came back with a sincere apology.  Yes, it was “possible.”  There had been a male cat in the household at one time, but they’d had no idea.  Did we want help finding a new home, or did we want to return her? 

Nope.  We just wanted to know whether to follow through.

With the current pandemic, Dr. Ricci was only seeing urgent cases, but she agreed to an office visit so we could confirm.  While she couldn’t feel individual kittens yet, she was 90% sure we’d have a houseful in three weeks.

Oh, what a perfect spiritual set up.  From the moment we laid eyes on Zoey, we knew she was part of our family.  We just didn’t know she’d bring a whole family with her! And though we didn’t ask for kittens (as my brother-in-law said, say goodbye to 2am), we’re excited.  It’s an ideal time for hilarity and joy that we could never have planned.

Zoey expands our hearts’ capacity and stretches our ability to flow with life’s unexpected surprises.  Life will have Its way.  True and wise abundance brings gifts in all forms that we can trust are just right for us, right now. 

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Lie Low to the Wall

by Emma Laurence

The deep and far-reaching impact of our planet’s pandemic drove itself into my mind and emotions these last two weeks—boring holes into old traumatic tissue. 

Have you ever experienced a kind of loneliness in which you crave compassion?

I simply wanted to know that another human being, at any point in history, experienced a similar suffering.  During this painful process, I sought uplifting, comforting words. 

As often happens, Life provided an unexpected gift.  A poem by John O’Donohue, 20th century Irish poet, philosopher, priest, and Celtic spiritualist, entered my email box via someone I don’t even know.  It read:

This is the time to be slow,
Lie low to the wall
Until the bitter weather passes.

Try, as best you can, not to let
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.

If you remain generous,
Time will come good;
And you will find your feet
Again on fresh pastures of promise
Where the air will be kind
And blushed with beginning.

These words shook my world with profound relief.  They gave me permission to lie low, arrested my heart-scraping self-talk, allowed me to remember who I am, and invited me to accept my own hesitant light.  They supported my generosity. 

I remembered the feeling of new beginnings, fresh air, hope and promise.

Shortly thereafter, pressures lightened a bit.  I found myself able to enjoy cleaning my home, something I’d previously had no motivation to do.  I rearranged my office, cleared my desk, and finally put up the acupressure poster that had lain curled up in a corner. 

I slowly began to release torturous self-judgments and to re-engage what I believe to be true—that everything is happening just the way it should. 

It’s essential to note that tending tasks was now done very, very slowly.  I moved in slow motion, breathing deeply as I worked, paying attention to my body, surrendering the need to think, letting the emotions rest. 

In essence, I was lying low to the wall and in gentle motion, at the same time. 

I’m finding this way of “working” so pleasurable.  It is low stress and invites ease.  It’s inclusive and accepting.  It feels both effortless and fulfilling.

While I, like many who want to serve in these times, may not know what steps to take to be more available and helpful, there is an ever-so-slight fragrance in the air, as if a sweetness is coming soon.

I welcome the changes we’re creating, even now, to unite us in new ways for the good of all. Many kindnesses will rebuild the fabric of our community in bolder colors. 

I choose to embrace the new harmonic resonance that’s calling us to be the best we can, to do the best we can, and to love the gift of life, truly.

photo by Pixabay

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The Compassionate Camera

by Emma Laurence

When Minnesota went into lockdown, my husband joked that self-quarantine and living in our small town was redundant.  For those of us who work at home, this wasn’t too much of a change.  We have an established routine.  We’re used to less outer stimulation.  We’re more familiar with quiet than most.

But for many, the disconnect from work and social environments can be particularly disconcerting.  Especially those living alone.  After all, isolation is used as a means of punishment in such practices as solitary confinement.  Or, if you truly want to hurt someone, ignore him.

What is it that makes isolation so distressing?  And how can we come to terms with—even gain from—a situationally imposed silence? 

I would offer, keep compassionate company with ourselves.

How does this work?

Silence requires that we face ourselves.  There’s nowhere to hide, no distractions to prevent our attention from going down the self-judgment swirly bowl.  We may have a habit of shaming ourselves for every perceived mistake, inventing ridiculous expectations, believing our lives are unimpactful to the world at large, and tipping the scales towards the ugly.

Keeping compassionate company with ourselves means that we’re willing to embrace all parts, those we label “good” and “bad.”   Acceptance is a key ingredient in unconditional love—a skill we can master given the opportunity. In granting ourselves an abundance of kindness, forgiveness and understanding during tough times, we practice this skill.

In stillness and silence we can also discover our higher nature, which could never be labeled as “good” or a “bad.”  After all, how can we judge a being of pure light?

From even as far back as Jesus’s time, the message love your neighbor as yourself implies that humans need to learn to love—first ourselves, then others.  For years I wondered, who was loving whom?  Am I split in two?

Sort of.  I found that my higher nature, Soul, functions more like a compassionate camera, watching dispassionately the choices my human self makes in life.  This viewpoint is the source from which I can give higher love to myself and others. 

Stillness provides keen training in Soul skills such as honing intuition, exploring and decoding dreams, and experiencing the eternal connection with loved ones at a distance.  From this place, I’m an eagle flying free over a rich mountain landscape, fulfilled in simply being alive. 

The pain that comes in waves, threatening to pull my human mind and emotions under, can be calmed by the sound of my own voice, like a lullaby.  In essence, I “sing” to the part of me that needs healing or company.

During world crises, I feel the weight of struggling masses and an almost desperate desire to serve.  Silence has shown me that, when I can’t be on the front lines physically, I can hold others in the most loving space, in a heart that’s as empty as it is full.

Photo by Ani Kolleshi on Unsplash

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Wake Up Your Wisdom

by Emma Laurence

During challenging times, we often learn most about ourselves and our world.  If we anchor that learning, the wisdom gained lasts forever.

I started a journal last year called “perceptions on the edge of consciousness.”  I did so because I noticed some of the most important learning in my life was just barely registering in my conscious awareness.  If I could catch these subtle messages, these wisps of wisdom, and anchor them, I’d be integrating more of Life’s great teachings.

Concurrent with awakening and reeling in this inner wisdom came another realization. The most uplifting moments in my outer daily life could also pass by, barely noticed. 

As an example, my husband and I took a walk in our neighborhood this week.  We met a mom with her two young children on bikes with training wheels. We were drawn to them by their beautiful, rust-colored Cavapoo.  The dog was a magnet.  The family agreed that “Leo” was well loved.  Mom was shining with happiness, clearly relishing her parental role.

That evening, as I acknowledged the day’s gift moments, this meeting in the park landed at the top of the list.  Petting the beautiful dog and conversing with a loving family fed my heart.

My mind could easily have forgotten the brief encounter, or judged it as insignificant in the overall scheme of things.  Especially so if I had a list of tasks to accomplish that appeared to be the most important focus of the day.  It would be so easy to pass by. 

I track gift moments because they feed my spirit.  They show me how Life is coaching, guiding and supporting me.  They teach me that my path crosses with others not in a random and chaotic manner, but in a pattern that supports my service.  Maybe this occurs because I put service and love as my first priority (and I’ve learned to include caring for myself as service).  Or maybe, it’s happening to us all, if we awaken to the possibility.

We’ve all unearthed profound life lessons from difficult times. Wisdom is born of experience.  If we anchor that wisdom by consciously recognizing the moments that would otherwise be tossed aside, by bringing what’s just at the brink of our awareness into the human world, could we enter a state in which goodness becomes perpetually visible?  I’m beginning to see this possibility.

This is not a Pollyanna approach or rose-colored glasses denial.  This is waking up to inner wisdom and outer gifts amidst the full array of life experiences.  It’s a way to keep the heart open and the spirit in flight—two keys to serving all Life with greater ease.

[I’m offering a free Wake Up Your Wisdom group coaching class on Saturday, March 28th for those who’d like to share what they’re learning from this challenging time. Contact me at [email protected] for an invitation.]

Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash

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How Social Distancing Can Bring Us Closer

by Emma Laurence

This week, as I ventured out for essential errands, I noticed a phenomenon caused by social distancing.  People may be staying six feet away, but they’re looking me in the eyes. 

Have you noticed this, too?

I often hear within this mutual recognition of a smile or nod, I’m OK.  You OK? Good.  We’re both good. Sometimes the look says, This is wild, right?

The recognition of one another as alive and well is a welcome shift.  There’s a feeling that we’re all in this together, and we’ll get through this, even though it may get more challenging before it gets easier.

My husband and I chatted with a woman from North Dakota as she helped us custom order a gluten-free pizza at the deli.  She reminisced of the days when kids were simply thrown out the back door to go play in the dirt.  Now when her grandkids visit, they say to her, We know, Nana.  Where’s the basket… where they leave all electronic devices at the door.  They run out back to play beanbag toss, or do art projects and baking indoors.  By the time the visit is over, they don’t want to go home. 

Let the kids eat some dirt and worms, she added.  Then they’ll be healthy.

We haven’t had a crisis like this in nearly twenty years—the kind that touches the whole world and changes daily life.  Long lasting changes will come from this, too.  Perhaps more of our freedoms will be taken away in name of safety, security and health.  Maybe more of us will get involved with democracy rather than assuming the government will take care of us.  Or we may awaken to the reality that we’re all connected and begin to take more responsibility for ourselves, more stewardship of other life forms on the planet.  We’ll see.

But we do have an unprecedented opportunity to trade in entitlement for gratitude.  What a shift that would be in our country if gratitude took hold. 

A pandemic can help us be grateful for the time we do have in the company of family and friends, grateful for the hugs in greeting that we used to take for granted, grateful for any occasion to gather in one place at one time.  Meanwhile, there’s an opportunity to see one another in the virtual landscape.  It’s not the same, vibrationally speaking—anyone who has Skyped with a spouse overseas or a grandchild across the country knows that—but it is being together in time. 

We will each experience this period of history in our own way.  We have choice in how we respond.  We can be an uplifting presence no matter the circumstances, draw our loved ones closer in our hearts, and give more charity to all.

(Illustration: Ari Saperstein for LAist)

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This Gift Moment

by Emma Laurence

I stood casually in the lobby of my Temple chatting with friends before an evening event.

All of us had moved to Minneapolis within the last couple of years from various places on the American map.  One couple had relocated only last week.

How did we get to this moment? I wondered with awe, knowing each of us had a powerful story that brought us to the precise place of standing in that lobby. 

In fact, the chances that we’d all be in the same place at the same time were incalculable given the miracles that had to occur for the moment to exist.  These were major miracles like financial windfall, marital reinvention, a rare real estate opportunity. 

Some dreamed of this moment.  Some never saw it coming.

Earlier that day, my sister shared moments of grace and protection—being able to say goodbye to someone who’s in Hospice, being helped by cheerful doctors and nurses who tended an injury she’d sustained in the kitchen.

A friend texted to thank me for referring her to a health care practitioner and another friend saying she had a special experience to share when I had time. 

My husband and I considered an overseas adventure trip while, outside the front window, our next door neighbor walked her dog quickly in subzero temperatures.

This movement of people and places, beginnings and endings, all in motion as if part of one large dance fascinates me.

If we could see from above, what would the pattern look like? 

I believe it would be mind-blowing.

We make choices based on the intention we set for our lives.  And Life responds by bringing us people, pets, experiences and opportunities in alignment with that intention.

Our ability to perceive the gift of this moment is all we can truly lay claim to in this life.  The future doesn’t exist; the past is a whisper.  But the present breath is alive.  Are we?

The next time you’re casually standing with friends in a parking lot or strangers in a grocery store line, gathered with co-workers at a meeting or with family at a dinner table, you may want to take a moment to breathe in the gift.  This is Life. 

P.S.  As an aside, I was challenged to find a photo of people taken from above to accompany this blog.  Aerial shots of landscapes are plentiful, but not of people. 

What does that say about the viewpoint from which we see ourselves?  And what could we learn by getting above to look upon our lives below?

Photo by Fritz Olenberger

For the Love of Millennials

by Emma Laurence

I often find myself in the minority when singing the praises of the millennial generation.  At a holiday family gathering in December, I mentioned that I’d begun coaching millennials.  Our nephew moaned and our niece immediately piped in, On behalf of my generation, I apologize.

No, I said, I love millennials!  When they were in high school, I was teaching theater.  I found them to be creative, imaginative, hardworking and generous.  They had high expectations of themselves and of me, and they wanted to do things their way—a sentiment I can appreciate.

A year ago, an article appeared in BuzzFeed that exposed the struggles of a burnout generation.  It prompted a large scale awakening to naming and describing a quality of life issue for millennials.  Overwhelm and anxiety from specific-to-millennial causes revealed that, though many felt alone, they were not:

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

What’s a 20 or 30-something to do? Small changes like getting regular bodywork or exercise, establishing a spiritual routine, or prioritizing tasks helped some.  But what about an underlying cause?  Change at a foundational level is only possible with clarity.

I began listening to podcast interviews, and inviting millennial co-workers, family and friends to share their stories of exhaustion, overwhelm, anxiety, disillusionment, authenticity or lack thereof.  I was looking for a root cause. 

I felt compassion for their place in the scheme of history while recognizing how “history doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes” (Mark Twain).  Varying states of distress sounded familiar though the particular flavor was new. 

Indeed, behind all the stories, I found a recurring truth.  Millennials have forgotten how powerful they are, powerful enough to create their world from the inside out.

So, I’m writing to ask, if you know a millennial who is struggling, please consider sharing this page: www.lifeiscoachingyou.com/millennials.

I know their strength, creativity, grit and brilliance, and I can help. Thank you.

Photo by Zachary Nelson on Unsplash

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The Real Power of Unsolicited Advice

by Emma Laurence

Have you ever doubted yourself based on someone else’s unsolicited advice? 

When I moved to Minneapolis, I considered getting a small dog for the first time in my life.  I’d always lived with cats.  But my heart—and even my husband—was open to the possibility. 

Since I’m a walker, I began interacting right away with neighborhood dogs out with their owners.  I got excited for the prospect of a new companion.

Then I happened to mention to a longtime acquaintance that I might get a small dog.  “Oh no!” he exclaimed, inches from my face. “You don’t want a dog in Minnesota!  You have to take them out in the freezing cold.  Minnesota is not a place to have a dog.  Believe me—get cats!” 

Wow.  The thing is, I thought I did want a dog.  Yet somehow his words stuck to me like Velcro.  I expect he was trying to be helpful, to spare me a negative experience. I responded differently. 

It actually took six months for me to see the ludicrousness of such a remark.  How could anyone know whether or not I want a dog? 

Now I had to address the anger and blame I felt, and forgive myself for allowing this strongly expressed opinion to influence me for so long.  But as I struggled to release this “helpful” advice, I rediscovered the truth.  

Yes, it’s a big step.  Yes, I’ll need to find a dog sitter on occasion.  Yes, it’s more responsibility—and yes, I’ll have to go out in the cold. 

But what about the love I’m missing?

Today I’m watching the blizzard outside, playing with the image of a small dog next to me on the couch.  I look out the window and think, I would go out there with my little friend.  I don’t mind the cold so much; I grew up in a similar climate.  I’m the rare one who prefers below zero temperatures to those in the 20’s—that clean, clear deep-cold air, the silence of frigid nights filled with stars.   

As long as I have a fireplace to return to, I’m good.

Many gifts appeared to outfit me for cold, including boots on sale proven effective to -25 degrees, handmade mittens from my surrogate mom, a second-hand Italian designer down coat (midi-length), and a fur hat brought back to me all the way from Russia.  I have silks and scarves, and I even got Christmas gifts of alpaca socks and a headscarf that covers my face. 

The comment tested my heart’s resolve.  As I re-explore canine companionship, I’m more aware of my commitment and more grateful for all gifts I’ve been given to prepare me for a new, exciting opportunity.

I may also be wiser the next time someone offers an opinion so emphatically.  I may keep silent about personal matters.  Or maybe I’ll catch myself giving unrequested advice—telling someone else what their reality is—and stop myself in time. 

In 2020, “Row the Boat”

by Emma Laurence

It’s the fourth quarter of the Outback Bowl and, at a game-defining moment, thousands of Minnesota fans are chanting, “row the boat” while pulling imaginary oars.  I reach for my phone as my baffled husband asks, what does ‘row the boat’ mean in football?

We did not expect the answer we found. 

Minnesota Coach P.J. Fleck lost his infant son to a heart condition in 2011.  In interviews, Fleck shares how holding his second son while he died changed everything—what he believed in, what he’d done to that point, and how he chooses to live going forward.   Row the boat represents his son’s life continuing through his own; it became a mantra meaning never give up. 

For Fleck, this metaphor has three parts—the oar, the boat, and the compass.

The oar is the energy we bring to life in every endeavor.

The boat represents sacrifice.  Coach Fleck asks, “What are you willing to give up for something you haven’t had?”

The compass is the direction in which we’re travelling and our all-important travelling companions.

What a cool way to look at a new year and new decade:  energy, sacrifice, direction.

Energy.  It’s interesting to note how many of us began to shift towards plant-based food sources recently.  Food as fuel, one friend said.  To balance mental and emotional energies, many people have gone on media fasts or become careful about the images they ingest, especially before bedtime.  Still others are recommitting to spiritual exercises as a source of sustainable energy—the kind that supports long-term health, clarity and happiness. 

What kind of energy sustains us?

Sacrifice.  A millennial friend once shared that when he makes a request of Life, he first considers what he’s willing to give in order to receive the gift. I’ve thought in terms of the work I’m willing to invest to earn my way, but this notion of sacrifice stretches and inspires me further. 

What are we willing to give up for something we haven’t had before?

Direction.  Envisioning the highest goals engages our creativity and heart. Then, we can listen to Life as it coaches us beyond our imaginings.  Trusting this life force opens an opportunity to actually reach the goals we’ve set.

How coachable are we?  And have we invited loving traveling companions to accompany us? 

Pivotal to my own success has been connecting with my inner coach, the wise voice within, the inspiration for all things great and small, the voice of unconditional acceptance and perpetual learning.

Coach Fleck helped set the direction for his team, then credited the players themselves as the number one reason for the season’s success.  The Minnesota Gophers haven’t had an 11-win run since 1904. 

Monitoring our energy sources, contemplating true sacrifice, and setting our own direction through inner guidance can give us the best opportunity to “row the boat” all the way to our end zone.

Our winning season is within reach in 2020, too.

Photo by Joakim Honkasalo on Unsplash