Burnout Support

Until You Can Exit, Embrace the Pace

by Emma Laurence

If you’re burned out at work but can’t exit yet, embrace the pace and navigate your environment in a healthier way.

You may know your job is unsustainable. The pressure is too intense, or leadership is not aligned with your values. You wonder if you’ve outgrown what once seemed an ideal opportunity.

You’ve contemplated, or even begun crafting, an exit plan.

But for financial or other reasons, it’s just not wise to leave right now. You can feel the timing is off and, much as you want to move on, you have to finish the cycle.

At the same time, you’re tired of feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and a victim of your negative work environment. You want be in the driver’s seat until you reach that exit ramp.

Rather than resist the current chaos or dwell on your despair, consider this short-term approach with a long-term benefit:

Today, you can begin learning to master your personal pace—a skill that will serve you no matter where you go next.

A Common Challenge

Learning how to gear up your physical, emotional, and mental energy is challenging!

Maybe you’ve had a lovely weekend or vacation. You’ve gotten some rest, enjoyed what lights you up, spent time with those you love. Now you need to shift into high gear for a demanding work week.

A common trajectory is: spiral downward into Sunday anxiety, struggle with a restless night, lean into caffeine and sugar the next morning, and hope for the best. 😃

Highly-skilled and well-meaning workers often live in inner conflict, struggling with a job that doesn’t fit. Even with the best intentions, a burnout lifestyle seems hard to avoid.

However, using your creativity to remain in alignment with your rhythm is a key practice for life beyond burnout.

Why not start learning now?

Embrace the Pace with Creativity

A client with high emotional intelligence recently shared her need for a “harder shell” at work. Without closing her heart down, she wants protection from the intense pressure—including productivity demands, office politics, and other peoples’ worries.

As a coach, I often use the words my clients speak to help them design and test out an imaginative technique. This is a powerful way to take charge of our inner state in tense environments.

Creativity and playfulness ease stress. So, we get curious: what has a harder shell? A turtle, a medieval soldier, a mollusk. What provides protection? Bones encase the spinal cord; thick stone walls safeguard a castle; a bodyguard provides security and prevents threats.

See where we’re going here? Give it a try.

Picture yourself putting on a kind of protective gear. Step into a suit of armor or visualize a bodyguard standing beside you. I’ve imagined a black jaguar walking beside me, or sitting in sphinx position near my desk. The image serves as a reminder that I’m not alone in times of need.

Your conscious practice of imagination is key to lowering your stress level and taking charge of the situation, allowing you to remain intact in a fast-paced environment.

Literally craft what you need. Strength? Imagine yourself lifting weights. Courage? See yourself facing your nemesis without blinking. Endurance? Feel yourself smile at the end of a day as you finish work with energy to spare.

I know this is easier said than done. It’s in daily practice that victory is won.

If You Have to Wear a Mask

If you feel the need to wear a mask, to be someone different to survive at work, take a tip from theater. Until you find the workplace where you can be yourself, consciously create a character.

A client of mine had to fill in for her boss at a meeting—an usual request in her company. Her boss got along well with his colleagues, and she felt she wasn’t good enough to represent the department.

To overcome her fear, I helped her create a character she was excited to play. This character (really a version of herself) was completely confident, at ease meeting new people and speaking up in the group.

She dressed a little differently that day—slightly taller shoes, added a scarf—wearing a bit of a costume. Courageously, she stepped in to that confident role, wondering if she could pull it off.

It worked! She introduced herself to people she hadn’t met and spoke up to share ideas. Through this persona, she engaged an aspect of herself that she hadn’t been able to access.

Stepping into a role you’ve created puts you in charge. You know you’re playing a game. You stay in integrity with yourself—the version of “you” that can master every possible situation.

Your Exit Ramp

Creative techniques allow you to finish out a work cycle on your own terms. It’s grueling to resent the energy demands required. So be playful, laugh about it, and love yourself through to the end.

Sooner than later, your clearly-marked exit will appear. You’ll be done. You’ll welcome the pause that transitions you to a fully sustainable, inspired life beyond burnout.

The Beyond Burnout Playbook (free and downloadable) gives you five keys to crossing that threshold at your own pace. Burnout isn’t all bad! Learn how to shift your perspective, try out some exercises, and have fun with the process.

If you’d like help planning your exit strategy and creating a life beyond burnout, I’m here with a free Clarity Conversation.

And if someone you know wants to make a change at work, please forward this blog. There’s always a way beyond burnout!
💜Emma

Photo by Sammy Wong on Unsplash

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Claim Your Creativity: Burnout to Brilliance

by Emma Laurence

Exhaustion or inspiration? Life beyond burnout is far more fun! So, let’s look at how claiming your creative play and power build a joyful, sustainable life.

Am I saying that creative arts help us thrive beyond burnout? Absolutely. But, I’m also referring to the innate creative ability within each of us, as individuals, to bring our dreams to life.

Burnout’s Gift

The overwhelm, deep fatigue, and even draining despair of burnout comes from constantly pushing beyond our work capacity. Like an overloaded donkey, we can barely navigate the narrow streets of our daily life.

We all agree; this is not a healthy lifestyle. Yet burnout’s gift is a loud call to action from our creative self. Burnout shouts, pay attention!  It asks:

  • Are you living in alignment with who and what you most value?
  • Do you want to be crushed under the weight of life-as-you-know-it?
  • Or do you want health, joy, and freedom to enliven your every step?

Our creativity—both play and power—establishes a strong foundation of well-being and wisdom.

Is Your Creative Play on a Shelf?

Creative play primes the pump for a flow of vitality that never burns out. Let’s invite this precious part of you to come out of storage.

I believe that creative flow once came so naturally to us that we didn’t require labels or permission. We simply immersed ourselves in activities that brought joy. As adults, it’s harder to keep that channel open.

Did you used to paint, sing, or play dress up? Maybe your creative self went bike riding, running in the hills with the dog, baked cupcakes, danced in the rain, read books, took pictures, or designed a new game.

Right now, though, are oils and acrylics gathering dust in your attic? Journals boxed in a closet? Has your guitar become relegated to wall art?

Time to pick up the paint palette, grab the guitar by the neck, and put on those dancing shoes. Pull out the half-finished book of recipes, pump up the tires on your bike, and head for the hills.

Embrace your sense of timeless play and watch your energy transform into joy. You’ll be activating the necessary vitality to thrive beyond burnout.

Reclaim Your Creative Power

Creativity is not only artistic expression.
It’s also the essence of our being—our powerful core.
Think coeur, the French word for heart.
Or shinbashira, the central pillar of a pagoda that ensures
its resilience against earthquakes.

As an innately creative individual, you have tremendous power. Power to bring something extraordinary out of nothing, to blend ingredients in novel ways, to explore horizons beyond your wildest imagination.

Creativity is enlivening, giving, and often seeks to be shared. It also keeps us balanced and sane.

While arts are a channel to express the beauty, pain, ever-changing love, and challenge of human living, activating our creative core enlivens the journey overall.

This is when the real fun begins—just one brush stroke at a time.

Listen to Your Dreams

Dreams are creative visions of what / where / who we’d love to be. They resonate with the harmonic vibrations that allow us to rise ever upwards. Without them, we stagnate and lack direction.

How do you treat your dreams? As ethereal, impractical hopes-to-be-dashed?
Or as a parallel universe waiting to be activated?
The grounded one, where you’ve already built your heart’s most generous desire.

I come from the latter perspective, which is why I’m a coach. I firmly believe that by choosing to claim our creative power, we cross a threshold. We embark on a transformative journey to bring to life dreams that already exist within us, fully formed and realized.

Activate Your Dreams

A doorway “magically” appears when you say, I invest in my creative ability. It’s one you didn’t notice when you walled yourself in, trying to meet demands and expectations of everything and everyone around you.

Now, you can begin to play with life. You begin to perceive the presence of gifts that have been patiently waiting for you to believe that your dreams are within reach.

Sound mystical? Maybe. Or maybe it’s the gift of creativity that makes visions real.

So, how do you activate the dream? You pause.
You choose to gradually, playfully, and practically mold your daily life into the embodiment of your dream.

The vision takes over your imagination while ‘pragmatic you’ takes action
through necessary micro-steps that ground you.

Daily life gently transforms into an architectural masterpiece—a real version of the dream you hold dear.
You’re a long way from the burnout shell you chose to leave behind.

And, as you build, you dance while you put away the dishes, doodle while you’re on a Zoom call, and sing in the shower. Just for joy.

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Would a free clarity chat help?
Reach out anytime and I’ll help you get clear on your next step, whether it’s coaching or another option.

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Sam the Eagle Muppet as News Anchor. An example of how to play with your powerful chyron!
Burnout Support

Play With Your Powerful Chyron

by Emma Laurence

When we’re burned out, it’s natural to start thinking we’ve failed. Self-defeating messages run like a chyron scrolling the bottom of our mind screen. They gain momentum on every pass.

And just like a chyron, these messages can be easy to tune out. But the mind accepts and absorbs them whether or not we’re aware of our self-judgment.

For example, if we’re internally scrolling, “Exhaustion, overwhelm, and burnout prove that I’m a failure,” we do ourselves a great disservice.

Blaming ourselves for not being able to keep up, to compete, or to fit in—whether in a workplace or social space—roadblocks our individual, precious evolution.

What’s Your Chyron?

So, pause and pay attention for a moment. What’s your powerful chyron today? If it needs tweaking, try playing with an uplifting headline.

My favorite place to start is with a technique borrowed from my actor training— Stanislavsky’s the Magic If. The phrase, “But what if I’m not a failure?” frees my imagination to seek new thoughts.

Have fun with your chyron! Set it scrolling across your inner screen and test the power of your choice. Whatever you set up for the mind to play with, it will.

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Here’s more help with burnout recovery. And here’s the free Beyond Burnout Playbook to get started on your own.

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Image source: https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Sam_the_Eagle?file=WGFNews.jpg

sweet dog resting on couch
Burnout Support

Learning How to Rest

by Emma Laurence

We all know how important it is to get enough rest. Not just sleep, which can be restful or fitful, but a deep restoration that comes from releasing tensions, worries, and concerns. Is there a process for learning how to rest that deeply?

Without rest, I find myself restless. A kind of low-grade buzz or anxiety creeps in, telling me the world is too overwhelming a place for me to find peace. The harshest news stories can capture my attention.

At that moment, I must remember that I’m in charge of my mental and emotional state. I need to turn off input, let go of chaos, fear or aggression and invite calm, quiet and rest.

Here’s a three-step process I found effective in reaching a deeper restful state. I’d love to hear what works for you.

One: Preparing for Rest

Many of us seem to need permission to rest. Isn’t that shocking? Maybe we feel irresponsible taking time to rejuvenate. A friend living abroad once reflected on American culture. He said it’s like living in perpetual springtime where new things always have to be breaking ground. Right?

For me, preparing for rest is essential. I can gear up as fast as a Porsche, but slowing down is much more challenging. I have to consciously choose to gear down.

Now, I drive a standard transmission car. So as an exercise when sitting or lying down to rest, I close my eyes and picture myself downshifting. I feel the car slow to a crawl. This quiets my revved up internal engine in preparation for rest or sleep.

Certain low-key activities serve a similar purpose, downshifting me from high activity to quietude. Cooking decelerates me because I double the estimated time recommended for any recipe.

Curiously, my husband gears down watching well made action TV shows (with aliens, of course). He tolerates fight scenes that cause my muscles to grip.

This preparation step simply acknowledges the need for a transition time from high to low rhythm. We each have our way to begin.

Two: Sliding Deeper into Rest

Once we’ve begun to slow our pace, sliding into rest may require a willingness to let tensions go.

As an example, Yin yoga requires longer duration in each pose. The final corpse pose (yeah, great name) suggests a heaviness, a sinking into the support from the floor. [My favorite online yin yoga teacher is Brittany Timberlake of Timberlake Yoga]

Another way to slide deeper is through music. Humans are very susceptible and sensitive to sound. The backtrack playing inside an army tank is just as effective to the goal of destruction as a lullaby is to the intention of sleep. We need only explore a bit to find the sound that relaxes us.

As a kid at camp, I sang my bunkmates to sleep. I learned guitar at a young age to bring peace to a warlike environment. Chanting is a common spiritual practice to induce a restful state because external sounds are powerful in shifting our rhythm.

Would you like to experiment with these techniques or explore your own? Alternatively, you could live in a hammock. 😄

Three: The Profound Restful State

For those who crave the deepest dive, surrender into silence brings a whole new level of rest. I find this practice requires trust. What starts as silence becomes a tuning-in to my own internal music.

To reach this next level, I start by experiencing my thoughts as ocean waves that start out fierce and choppy. Gradually, as I watch the waves, I allow them to calm. Not by force, but by invitation.

Then, I gently listen for internal sounds. I often hear a buzzing like a high electrical wire, or music like a flute or woodwinds. I’m sure we’re unique in what we perceive when in this deeper place.

No matter what, I awaken profoundly refreshed.

Sustainable Living Through Rest

Learning how to rest is vital for sustainability in our times. Allowing for a gradual shift, like from bold color to pastel, may help us relax into the process. Then, we can slide more deeply by degrees into profound states of inner sound and silence. I’m ready for a nap just writing this.😄

If you’re inspired by reading these steps, please share with others. You may want to ask how they find rest. And if you’d like, leave comment below.

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Burnout Support

Beyond Burnout: Your Exit

by Emma Laurence

Burnout signals a need for realignment in how you do work. Yet, if you’re poised on the edge of leaving your job, you may be too crispy fried to even look at an exit strategy.

When you’re overwhelmed or exhausted, considering an exit is, in itself, an act of courage.

Maybe you feel you don’t have a choice. A vision or dream won’t let you go. Or, you can’t tolerate the pace or company culture of your day-to-day grind. What do you do then?

If you choose to surround yourself with support and take the big leap, this may help.

What to Expect in Phase One

Wouldn’t it be lovely if your transition lands you in a parallel reality—one where you enjoy your lucrative life’s work?

It’s not exactly magic, but a significant shift does happen when you leave a good-paying but ill-suited job for an uncertain future.

At first, it may feel like floating. You don’t quite know what to do with yourself. I notice with clients that this untethered feeling passes naturally and fairly quickly.

An essential step is setting a clear intention for joyful, sustainable work. Even if you don’t have a future vision yet, this simple focus can carry you for a while.

Your daily attention shifts. You spend time exploring new opportunities, tending previously neglected chores and relationships, or even recovering from burnout.

It’s OK to give yourself permission, space, and time for a smooth transition in this phase.

 A Beyond Burnout Exit Story

A brilliant Millennial, whom I’ll call Ruby, came to coaching burned out from her high-paying but soul-draining job in the tech industry. Her decision to be true to herself and leave her job ushered in transition phase one.

Ruby began to unwind and recover from burnout while making plans to move out of state. The move would provide a supportive community.

We began exploring her options in the non-profit sector and clarifying her long-term goals in writing and art. A part-time job more aligned with her values would fuel a full transformation to her life’s work.

Ruby is in phase one of her transition beyond burnout. She’s already so much happier! She shifted her pace and restructured daily life in harmony with her natural rhythm.

Finding joy, humor, and play again enlivened her sense of adventure.

Support to Exit

We often crave freedom when leaving a day job that no longer suits us. If that’s you, play with the possibility that you can gather support and exit. If you’d like to chat with someone about your options, I’m here for a free Clarity Conversation.

I love the Rumi quote, Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor.

Does it make you wonder what you’d do if you knew that to be true?

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Photo by Elliott Stallion on Unsplash

picture of author as example of self-trust
Inspiration

3 Ways to Build Self-Trust

by Emma Laurence

With all the external voices clamoring for our attention, it’s easy to get knocked off center. Our best recourse is to build self-trust. We can turn within, listen more deeply, and follow our own inner compass.

How can we trust ourselves amidst noise, burnout, and disillusionment? I’ve made a study and would like to offer three ways to build the kind of self-trust that’s unshakeable. In the comments, I’d love to hear yours.

Seek and Follow Inner Guidance

The best starting place is to actively seek inner guidance. No matter what our spiritual beliefs, the practice is the same—we ask a higher being, consciousness, or self for insight.

This simple act opens our heart and mind to receive answers that are right in front of us—the ones we haven’t seen simply because we’ve been closed.

A relaxed mind and heart receives messages. Inner silence allows us to hear. If even in the slight pause between thoughts, or the very first early morning minutes, we can find receptive quiet.

Sometimes guidance comes in a flash, in the split second that we’re presented with a decision. We know.

In early 2020, I attended a birthday party held in an entertainment center. The cake served was gluten free. I almost never eat cake, but this was a celebration! And it was my favorite flavor—chocolate with vanilla icing.

I ate a piece. I wanted another. My inner voice was clear that this wasn’t a good idea. But I ate it anyway. Turned out the increased sugar intake lowered my resistance to getting sick. Before Covid was publicly known, I got the virus. After that you can bet I became more committed to following my inner voice.

We build trust by proving to ourselves that we will honor and act upon the higher guidance. Even if our choice turns out to look like a mistake, at least we stayed true to ourselves.

Keep Agreements to Yourself

Most of us know how important it is to keep our word with others in both personal and professional relationships. Our word is our bond. When it comes to making agreements with ourselves, we can use the same principle to build or restore trust.

First, it’s important to take care when choosing our agreements. I could never commit to working out at the gym, for example. It’s not enjoyable, and I won’t keep to such a promise. However, I find pickleball a blast! I can keep my agreement to myself to exercise every week because I’m having so much fun with a wonderful group of players.

Any new habit takes time to ramp up. What will ensure that we can stay on course? Asking ourselves this question in advance means we’ll have a better chance of building self-trust. Yes, we mean what we say.

We can also be flexible and compassionate if life changes and we simply cannot follow through.  Self-trust is also build when we stop and take care of ourselves if that’s the right course of action.

Never Throw Yourself Under the Bus

When I was in a major life turning point, a dear friend said to me, No matter what, don’t turn against yourself. This is what I mean by throwing yourself under the bus.

We need to be our own champions, standing by ourselves no matter what anyone else says or does. That means we give ourselves permission to grow even if our mistakes are public ones.

Our commitment, presence, and confidence in ourselves to learn and grow are great ways to build self-trust. It’s like our higher self telling our human self, I’m here for you no matter what. I’ll never shame you for learning, even if it looks ugly.

This skill is essential when we’re challenged by other people’s opinions or judgments. If we want to please others too much, we’ll toss ourselves under the wheels. What if, in the face of criticism, we instead help ourselves stand tall with dignity and grace?

The Biggest Picture

We’re all here learning. We do the best we can. Building self-trust means we increasingly navigate daily life with more peace, harmony, and enjoyment.

And even when we can’t seem to trust ourselves, we can trust life. How? Those messages we’ve asked for from a higher being, consciousness, or self are still active even when we can’t hear fully. As long as our heart is true and our commitment is clear, life will help us find our way.

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The Hidden Gift of Burnout

by Emma Laurence

If you’ve ever left a job due to burnout, the last thing you want is to repeat the cycle of exhaustion and overwhelm. Whether you dive into a job search or join millions of new, hopeful entrepreneurs, you must do things differently.

Where to start?

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge an uncomfortable, yet freeing, fact. Burnout is not something done to us. We’re not its victims. We burn ourselves up from the inside out.

That’s good news! Because otherwise, we’re powerless. And we’ll miss the gift.

Beliefs Become Limitations

Like auto-pay, burnout is a repeated withdrawal from your energetic bank account. Every month, the charge appears, until you take charge.

One way to break free is to watch for beliefs lying just beneath your awareness. Thoughts that drive you without your conscious consent wreak havoc.

Consider a popular societal belief that the single most important value in life is measureable outer achievement. Prove that you’re existence-worthy through tangible results. Get a college degree, gain employment, manifest a family, or become famous, and you have value. In other words, you have to do something in order to be somebody.

What a powerful limitation on the value of an individual! What if the fact of your existence itself makes you worthy? Maybe you contribute to the world through your bright beingness or your quality of compassionate attention. Claiming your intrinsic value first may be what allows you to do great things.

A Hidden Gift Story

A client I’ll call Janice (not her real name) left a high-pressure job in academia when demands got unbearable. She’d burned out. Janice left without a plan, but knew her health had to come first.

Months later, she brought a push/collapse work habit with her into a new venture. Pushing through 10-12 hour days, she’d collapse right after dinner. Janice overwhelmed and depleted herself, again. How could this be when she was finally focused on work she loved?

Janice’s daily rhythm wasn’t honoring her top priority of vibrant health. This time, her excitement drove her too fast and hard. Adrenal exhaustion, insomnia, mental obsession, and hormone imbalances signaled a constant fight-or-flight pattern.

Janice addressed the long-term physical effects of burnout. Meanwhile, she replaced the old push/collapse rhythm with a steady, slower burning pace. We worked on micro-practices—small actions that built a solid support structure for her business’s foundation. Now, her dream is growing at a steady, sustainable rate while her health remains strong.

The gift of repeated burnout taught Janice how to balance her life in alignment with her primary values. She gained a new appreciation for the building blocks of successful structure.

Burnout’s Hidden Gift

Accepting shadowy beliefs is one way we forget who we are, drive ourselves to distraction, and burn ourselves up. We want to know we matter. So, we’ll push to keep pace with the world’s chaos rather than slow to our own natural cadence. If we fall asleep to burnout habits, our bodies and sanity pay the price.

So, this is burnout’s hidden gift—the rare opportunity to stop, and be absolutely sure we’re in alignment with our living truth as we grow and our priorities change.

Take the opportunity to free yourself from the inside out. Be grateful that life has shown you what’s not sustainable, so you can learn what is.

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If you need help sorting out a work or life transition, read more about Emma’s specialty, Millennial burnout.

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The F.O.G. Machine

by Emma Laurence

I first experienced a fog machine during a college performance of Camelot. This special effect apparatus sits in the wings and blows a chemical mist onto stage at the actors’ feet. Despite its artistic appeal, I can still feel the dry throat and smell the chemical odor of theatre fog.  A different kind of F.O.G.—Fear, Obligation, and Guilt—clouds our joy of living in much the same way. These feelings blow in during personal dramas that trigger our inner F.O.G. machine.

All the World’s a Stage

We’re all familiar with daily life triggers. A co-worker criticizes our performance on the team, a loved one disapproves of a choice we make, a social media comment questions our values. And, bam! Before we know it the machine has kicked in.

All our hours of yoga, meditation, or self-care go out the window. As if on cue, the mechanism powers up, sending clouds of fear, obligation, or guilt into our former sunny consciousness.

Personally, I’m well versed in the drama queen art form. As a kid, my mother used to tell me that I’d have to learn not to be so upset by my grandfather’s or my brother’s taunts. If you don’t react, she’d say, they’ll stop teasing you.  She was probably right, but hey at six years old, I had no skills to stop spontaneous tears.

The F.O.G. Machine Exercise

As an adult, though, I have several tools to release F.O.G. once I’ve been triggered. One technique is the creative use of visualization.  For example, the fog machine image came to me while navigating a fearful challenge. So, I decided to use the metaphor as a launch point for an inner creative exercise.

I sat down, closed my eyes, and calmed my heartbeat. As I entered the worlds of my imagination, I saw myself in the wings of a large performance space. Just ahead, a tall, emaciated man with wide eyes pushed hard and fast on a machine’s lever, spewing F.O.G. everywhere. I walked over and asked him what he was doing. His eyes filled with panic. This is my job, he said. I have to keep doing my job! It was as if his boss would torture him if the fog stopped flowing.

I wanted to stop the fog. But to do so meant letting go of the outcome, and choosing to be a compassionate presence for the machine’s operator.

After a time, I asked if he’d like some water. As if in a flash of awakening, he suddenly seemed to consider that maybe he, of himself, was not a machine. Silently and gradually, he slowed his pace. Eventually, he returned my gaze and nodded.

We walked to a nearby table set up with water, fresh fruit, and other snacks.  He took the smallest portions, but he did eat. As we talked, he revived a little, gaining some color in his cheeks.  I told him he no longer needed to run the machine, that I was the boss now, and I happily set him free.

Have you ever experienced how a scenario within your imagination can impact your breathing, blood pressure, muscle tension, and frame of mind? My body relaxed deeply as I came out of this exercise. I felt a sense of peace. I saw my problem in a completely new light, and I saw a simple solution.

Dismantle the Machine

What would your image be for the mechanical nature behind fear, obligation, or guilt? What if you used this to your advantage? Maybe you could slow the revved up engine, shift into a lower gear, or take over as computer programmer of your mind.

When we decide how much F.O.G. were willing to tolerate, we’re also free to clear out the rest. Fear, obligation, and guilt need not pollute our inner atmosphere. We can choose a different kind of mist to artfully beautify a dramatic moment. Or, we can compassionately dismantle the machine.

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Photo from miriamruthross.wordpress.com; Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away

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Please Don’t Share Your Genius

by Emma Laurence

In recent years, a personal growth wave has swept our country. It’s almost a mandate to discover and share your genius with the world. The assumption is that you have something you do better than anyone else, and that you must share this in order to be happy and successful. While this belief is a step up from treating humans as cogs in corporate machinery, is it really growth? I’d like to stand in a different viewpoint and say, please don’t share your genius.

Your Genius, Your Purpose

Akin to this popular directive of self-discovery and actualization is the challenge to live your purpose. Oh, my, what pressure! What if I can’t find my purpose? Do I have only one? And if I were to find this supposed purpose, how would I live it? How could I be sure I was living my purpose?

The path of purpose can produce a land mine of self-doubt. Within the wholeness of life, a single, narrow self-definition breeds a sense of failure. How many people do you know who’ve articulated their purpose in words? If you can’t, does this mean that you’re not giving to the world? Do you not have a right to exist if you don’t know and follow your bliss? Or are you destined to struggle, always seeking and never finding?

Yikes. I prefer the viewpoint articulated in the Disney movie Soul. In the Great Before, one of the teachers quips back to the lead character, oh you humans and your purposes. In fact, by the movie’s end we learn through the character of 22 that even your spark—your passion—isn’t your purpose. Gerry says:

A spark isn’t a soul’s purpose! Oh, you mentors and your passions. Your purposes, your meanings-of-life. So basic.

So what’s beyond genius and purpose?

Being Truly and Wisely You

I believe you can live a lifetime of service by being truly and wisely you—true to your own heart, values, and gifts. Maybe you don’t need to light the world on fire, or light your hair on fire, or solve some problem that no one’s been able to solve.

Maybe you don’t need to measure yourself or others by your impact on the world, another buzzword that’s become a determining factor in the value of a human life.

I’m not saying that high-level creativity, innovation, and action aren’t necessary and wonderful. In fact, this kind of limit pushing can move humanity forward. Consider, though, how many people it takes to support one genius of this nature.

Another Disney film, Encanto, tells the story of a family whose members each possess a magical gift, except the youngest, Mirabel. Mirabel faces vulnerability and self-doubt.  Yet, her lack of superpower, her normalcy, turns out to be more than valuable in serving her community.

Could all those helpers who live quiet lives outside the limelight have just as much ‘value and impact’ as those whose achievements lead to stardom?

A co-worker of mine started knitting just for enjoyment. At the time, all the cool knitters were writing blogs and knitting socks. Beautiful, intricate socks. So, she tried knitting socks, and she wasn’t any good at it. It took her a long time to realize she was doing herself harm by trying to fit the mold. Eventually, she decided it was perfectly OK to do what she enjoyed which was knitting scarves. She loves scarves! So, why shouldn’t she knit what she loves, just for joy?

I’d like to advocate here for a different way to perceive the full scope of contribution, and a new target to aim for that isn’t about genius, purpose, or impact.

A New Paradigm

The value of an individual cannot actually be measured in human terms. We simply don’t have the perceptive ability to see the myriad of ways in which one’s presence, let alone small acts done with great love, brings blessings and benefits to all. Maybe it’s best to stop obsessing about measuring impact and, focus instead on accepting and valuing today’s gifts.

In a sense, we’re all equal. We each have a creative imagination and the free will to use this tool as we choose. Some may manifest fine books or works of art, big businesses or vast scientific discoveries. Others may tend the raising and teaching of children, or give kindness every day to strangers as well as friends. Can we appreciate one another and ourselves as we offer what we can give today?

A new target might be simply to be and do the best we can. And cultivate gratitude for each contribution we witness. Simple gratitude keeps the gifts flowing. Wouldn’t it be a relief to recognize and relish life itself, in all its many forms? We can have a generous spirit without appraising our every move.

Please Don’t Share Your Genius

So, please, don’t jump on the bandwagon to find and share your genius unless you really want to. You may not have one genius waiting to be discovered; you may shine in many ways. It’s a trap to believe we’ve failed if we haven’t built our life on one so-called purpose. A wider viewpoint is far more inclusive of all life’s gifts. And maybe, there are times when just our beingness is enough. 

Let’s make up our own recipe for prosperity and tranquility. Whatever we enjoy, we can be it, and love it. And if sharing is necessary, it just may happen naturally.

Learn more about Coaching. Photo by Andrew George on Unsplash

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Pace Yourself for Fun

by Emma Laurence

I decided to learn to play pickleball, just for fun. I didn’t want more stress, competition, or striving for excellence in my life. I wanted to enjoy the sport, to pace myself for fun.

To start, I took a pickleball clinic at a nearby recreation center. It was tough! In the first session I got completely overwhelmed. Too much information = not a good time. I couldn’t filter through all the rules, strategies, and scoring. I just wanted to practice getting the ball over the net.

Maybe for the first time in my life, I didn’t care about being good immediately. I wanted to meet my fellow players. I was willing to learn by making mistakes.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

I almost didn’t go back. But I’d paid for the clinic, and I don’t like to give up. So, I went the second time. This time wasn’t as much overwhelming as it was shame inducing. We learned how to serve by cycling through a drill where one person served and the other returned the ball. The whole group watched. Oy. I tensed right up and couldn’t even get the ball into the court.

Then I really didn’t want to go back.

I was up most of the night before session #3. It’s one thing to have patience with becoming good; it’s another to be painfully bad.

The Courage To Have Fun

Then I remembered that I get self-centered in these types of situations, making it all about me. It’s not about me! I’m not the center of the universe. This class is not about me; it’s about all of us learning together, including the teacher.

Actually, the teacher seemed as nervous to be teaching as I was to be singled out. Maybe that’s why she gave us so much information all at once. Or, why she said she wouldn’t be able to learn our names.

Now, I’ve been in the field of education a long time, and it would’ve been easy for me to blame her for not coming across as caring, or not being good at organizing the curriculum. But maybe she was just insecure, like me.

So I made a choice to override shame, pull together all my courage, and go again—reminding myself of the goal to have fun. If people pitied me, or no one wanted to play with me, oh well. By asking specific questions, maybe I could even help her to teach me better.

That class was the breakthrough! I noticed two things:

Relinquishing my place as the center of the universe, I observed that others looked ridiculous at times, too. And I saw that we all make great shots as well as bad shots.

Sometimes, it’s the courage to show up once more that allows an experience to flip over to fun.

Stretch But Don’t Break

The next week, I stretched further by attending open pickleball for beginners. I played with someone new. I liked her. She was forgiving.

One member of the other team looked older. Turned out, she was 80, and a fierce player. At one point, she stopped the game to call us over. She explained why we need three types of serves. Three types?! I knew I needed to practice my serve, but yikes. As I stepped back into position, I laughed to my partner, yeah, I’m just trying to get it over the net. I overcame potential self-judgment with humor. Such a victory.

I’ve given up joy so often in my life. I’ve done it to be more skilled, to be a high achiever, to meet or exceed job expectations, to do what I thought others wanted, to be “the best,”— whatever. Doing so sacrificed my own center, my sovereignty, and my enjoyment of life.

Not any more. Now, I’m practicing the key—the same one I used as a teacher. In education, you learn to pace the student to stretch, but not break. When I (as the student) lose the wonder, mystery, or joy, then learning becomes drudgery.

Pacing Yourself for Fun

So I’ve decided to pace myself for fun. I practice this in my work, too. I want to sustain the joy.

If we need to learn, or to live, at a slower pace than world-spin, let’s do it! Choosing to align with our heartbeat rather than the collective pulse increases our delight, our sense of awe, and our gratitude.

If we choose to sacrifice fun, at least we can do so purposefully.  

I’ll understand if some players don’t want me as a pickleball partner. But, honestly, I’m going to get so much better by encouraging myself to enjoy the process, one shot at a time.

Note: Since writing this blog, I have improved quite a bit by taking my own advice. 😀

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