When Minnesota went into lockdown, my husband joked that self-quarantine and living in our small town was redundant. For those of us who work at home, this wasn’t too much of a change. We have an established routine. We’re used to less outer stimulation. We’re more familiar with quiet than most.
But for many, the disconnect from work and social environments can be particularly disconcerting. Especially those living alone. After all, isolation is used as a means of punishment in such practices as solitary confinement. Or, if you truly want to hurt someone, ignore him.
What is it that makes isolation so distressing? And how can we come to terms with—even gain from—a situationally imposed silence?
I would offer, keep compassionate company with ourselves.
How does this work?
Silence requires that we face ourselves. There’s nowhere to hide, no distractions to prevent our attention from going down the self-judgment swirly bowl. We may have a habit of shaming ourselves for every perceived mistake, inventing ridiculous expectations, believing our lives are unimpactful to the world at large, and tipping the scales towards the ugly.
Keeping compassionate company with ourselves means that we’re willing to embrace all parts, those we label “good” and “bad.” Acceptance is a key ingredient in unconditional love—a skill we can master given the opportunity. In granting ourselves an abundance of kindness, forgiveness and understanding during tough times, we practice this skill.
In stillness and silence we can also discover our higher nature, which could never be labeled as “good” or a “bad.” After all, how can we judge a being of pure light?
From even as far back as Jesus’s time, the message love your neighbor as yourself implies that humans need to learn to love—first ourselves, then others. For years I wondered, who was loving whom? Am I split in two?
Sort of. I found that my higher nature, Soul, functions more like a compassionate camera, watching dispassionately the choices my human self makes in life. This viewpoint is the source from which I can give higher love to myself and others.
Stillness provides keen training in Soul skills such as honing intuition, exploring and decoding dreams, and experiencing the eternal connection with loved ones at a distance. From this place, I’m an eagle flying free over a rich mountain landscape, fulfilled in simply being alive.
The pain that comes in waves, threatening to pull my human mind and emotions under, can be calmed by the sound of my own voice, like a lullaby. In essence, I “sing” to the part of me that needs healing or company.
During world crises, I feel the weight of struggling masses and an almost desperate desire to serve. Silence has shown me that, when I can’t be on the front lines physically, I can hold others in the most loving space, in a heart that’s as empty as it is full.
Photo by Ani Kolleshi on Unsplash
Comments:
Loved this Emma! Sometimes it's so lovely to see how our focuses can line up. Self acceptance has been a theme coming up for me lately too. It even came up in an interview I did on my podcast. In our conversation my friend Jenni talks about her partner recently asked her to be more accepting of him. Her reaction was to ask him a million questions about acceptance: what does it feel like? how do you want to be accepted? when was the last time you felt accepted? etc etc. Not surprisingly he completely shut down. In that moment Jenni did something brilliant and asked herself all the questions she was asking her partner and had a HUGE breakthrough. She realized all the ways in which she wasn't accepting herself. She even made a list! Through this she also started to realize that by not accepting herself that others could also feel not accepted by her, even though she's an incredibly accepting person. I thought it was incredible.
Jenni is very wise. How rare and great that she could breakthrough to self-acceptance in this way. And her insight about how others feel in her presence is similar to something that came through to me last week. It's as if in someone's presence, I feel about myself the way they feel about themselves! Thoughts and feelings start to come up, whether they be comfortable or uncomfortable. When I'm with someone like you, Tom, I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When I'm with others who are afraid to be themselves, I feel jittery. So interesting. Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Please feel free to add a link to your podcast interview here. :-)
Thank you Emma, beautifully written and such beautiful responses, all-together so spiritually uplifting and nourishing.
Thank you for joining in the comments, Beth. I'm glad this is spiritually uplifting and nourishing—it's what we aim for in our writing, don't we. Big hug.
Thank you Emma, Your article blew through my being , a soft wind of love and wisdom... ahhhh :)
What a lovely response, Laura. Thank you for the feedback. :-)
Beautifully written! Especially the compassionate camera - capturing and not judging what my human self chooses. Thanks Emma!
You're welcome, Kitty! Thank you for posting what you enjoyed about the post. Have you had this experience as well, of a more "lovingly detached" viewpoint?
This is beautifully written and so needed. it hit a nerve for me because when my 13 year boyfriend and fiancé broke up with me before last Thanksgiving, he did it by just no longer answering me at all - ignoring me. It hurt, but in a way, he saved me from the back-and-forth that I know I would have participated in. It would’ve been too hard for me to let go on my own. This vignette also reminds me of how we are so solitary and individual, like these sparks of God floating out in the galaxy, and yet we are together in this shared experience of dealing with this horrible virus. I’ve been working a lot because I am Home Care Nurse and actually working more than usual, 120 hours a week or more, since a few workers are out. Yet interestingly, I find that I’m tuned in to the flow of people having more time to connect with each other, like Renate mentioned, the shared experience. I feel more creative. I feel like painting, writing, and fixing my home. I feel very drawn to the closeness and casualness of people sitting at home in their own homes while broadcasting on TV, letting me see their bookcases and favorite couch, their children, their dogs. It’s a heart-rending, trying time but it’s also beautiful.
First, Crystal, I'm so sorry for the loss of your long time boyfriend and fiancé. What a huge life change you've had. And I want to thank you for your hours and hours of service as a home care nurse. This compassionate care is vital for those who are most vulnerable and, perhaps, scared. You so beautifully share both the images of sparks floating out in a galaxy and the casualness of people at home on their couch with bookcase, children, dogs. I recently heard a short recording of a spiritual leader whom I most admire. Afterwards, I felt both nourished and broken-hearted. This bittersweet flavor (that a dear friend once called "an acquired taste") is, for me, a sign of true vulnerability and growth. Thank you so much for your authentic sharing, and your courage during this time of personal and worldly change. Wishing you peace in your journey.
Also, thank you for posting. It’s like an oasis we can stop at in the spare landscape
You're so welcome. I'm glad this is an oasis. Let me know if there are other topics you'd like to read about as you linger beneath the palms. :-)
Beautifully said - I liked singing to different parts of yourself, and the image of a heart that’s as empty as it is full. Hmm ...
I like this image too, Emily. It's not a mental one, but it fits.
I really like this. Often there is no time to be yourself or it feels like punishment or loneliness. Or it has a taste of loneliness. This time it has a different quality, because it is a collective thing and it feels to me like we are all together in a new class room exploring social distancing and howto deal with it.
I like this image of the classroom, Renate. Am I hearing you right that you don't feel so alone because we're all learning together?