picture of author as example of self-trust

3 Ways to Build Self-Trust

With all the external voices clamoring for our attention, it’s easy to get knocked off center. Our best recourse is to build self-trust. We can turn within, listen more deeply, and follow our own inner compass.

How can we trust ourselves amidst noise, burnout, and disillusionment? I’ve made a study and would like to offer three ways to build the kind of self-trust that’s unshakeable. In the comments, I’d love to hear yours.

Seek and Follow Inner Guidance

The best starting place is to actively seek inner guidance. No matter what our spiritual beliefs, the practice is the same—we ask a higher being, consciousness, or self for insight.

This simple act opens our heart and mind to receive answers that are right in front of us—the ones we haven’t seen simply because we’ve been closed.

A relaxed mind and heart receives messages. Inner silence allows us to hear. If even in the slight pause between thoughts, or the very first early morning minutes, we can find receptive quiet.

Sometimes guidance comes in a flash, in the split second that we’re presented with a decision. We know.

In early 2020, I attended a birthday party held in an entertainment center. The cake served was gluten free. I almost never eat cake, but this was a celebration! And it was my favorite flavor—chocolate with vanilla icing.

I ate a piece. I wanted another. My inner voice was clear that this wasn’t a good idea. But I ate it anyway. Turned out the increased sugar intake lowered my resistance to getting sick. Before Covid was publicly known, I got the virus. After that you can bet I became more committed to following my inner voice.

We build trust by proving to ourselves that we will honor and act upon the higher guidance. Even if our choice turns out to look like a mistake, at least we stayed true to ourselves.

Keep Agreements to Yourself

Most of us know how important it is to keep our word with others in both personal and professional relationships. Our word is our bond. When it comes to making agreements with ourselves, we can use the same principle to build or restore trust.

First, it’s important to take care when choosing our agreements. I could never commit to working out at the gym, for example. It’s not enjoyable, and I won’t keep to such a promise. However, I find pickleball a blast! I can keep my agreement to myself to exercise every week because I’m having so much fun with a wonderful group of players.

Any new habit takes time to ramp up. What will ensure that we can stay on course? Asking ourselves this question in advance means we’ll have a better chance of building self-trust. Yes, we mean what we say.

We can also be flexible and compassionate if life changes and we simply cannot follow through.  Self-trust is also build when we stop and take care of ourselves if that’s the right course of action.

Never Throw Yourself Under the Bus

When I was in a major life turning point, a dear friend said to me, No matter what, don’t turn against yourself. This is what I mean by throwing yourself under the bus.

We need to be our own champions, standing by ourselves no matter what anyone else says or does. That means we give ourselves permission to grow even if our mistakes are public ones.

Our commitment, presence, and confidence in ourselves to learn and grow are great ways to build self-trust. It’s like our higher self telling our human self, I’m here for you no matter what. I’ll never shame you for learning, even if it looks ugly.

This skill is essential when we’re challenged by other people’s opinions or judgments. If we want to please others too much, we’ll toss ourselves under the wheels. What if, in the face of criticism, we instead help ourselves stand tall with dignity and grace?

The Biggest Picture

We’re all here learning. We do the best we can. Building self-trust means we increasingly navigate daily life with more peace, harmony, and enjoyment.

And even when we can’t seem to trust ourselves, we can trust life. How? Those messages we’ve asked for from a higher being, consciousness, or self are still active even when we can’t hear fully. As long as our heart is true and our commitment is clear, life will help us find our way.

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Your ‘Gold Butterfly’ Life Message?

Life sends me messages day and night. Slowly, I’ve begun to learn the unique language in which life speaks to my heart. I help my clients to do the same. When I notice a life message that’s right in front of them, I ask a follow up question. Often, they’ve missed a big clue to their urgent concern or challenge. This gift, tailored to each individual, is what I’m now calling, a ‘gold butterfly.’ Here’s why:

The Set Up

My husband and I had new carpet installed in our small living room. It’s the only downstairs space that’s carpeted, and we decided to test out this room before upgrading the whole upstairs.

Thank God we did! The outgassing from one room of new carpeting made all of us (husband, wife, and cat) sick. We had headaches. My body went into fight-or-flight and would tremble if I went downstairs. Our cat was hangdog.

Bit by bit, we found ways to address the troublesome toxic fumes. Besides opening windows and wedging in an outwards-blowing fan, we swept baking soda into the fibers to absorb odors. We vacuumed vigorously, and even borrowed a second air purifier to run both 24/7.

Life Message

At one point, I had to stay overnight with friends to take a break from the fumes. That night, I asked what life was trying to teach me about outgassing. I became the curious explorer: what were these toxic fumes teaching me about my own state of mind?

Was it an uncomfortable sleeping night? Yep. But by morning I had an answer. I needed to take more responsibility for an embarrassing habit. Without fully realizing it, I’d been engaging in gossip in two ways.

First, I’d been listening to a neighbor complain and blame others for a problem in her life. I was trying to be a compassionate listener, but every time we met, she got into a bad groove. So, I was not helping her (or me) by providing a listening ear.

Second, I’d been expressing negative opinions about a group of people whose behavior outraged me.  My inner critic had been outgassing.

I once heard a spiritual teacher describe gossip as poison. Just poison. He warned against indulging this habit or even being around those who do.

The Gold Butterfly

That morning at my friend’s house, I felt a bit vulnerable and disappointed in myself. How had I not caught this before life had to send such a dramatic message? I didn’t judge or punish myself as I’ve done in the past. But I did feel a little down.

Then, when I got out of bed, I discovered a gold butterfly ornament that I’d apparently been lying on all night. I had no idea where it came from—and neither did my friends! Though they recognized the butterfly as part of their collection, they couldn’t imagine how it got into the sheets of the guest bed.

For me, this gift required little interpretation. The butterfly was me, choosing a higher level of refinement. This life message confirmed that I was on the right track. The gold butterfly was a sweet reminder to be kind to myself as I transformed.

The Practical Remedy

Life always answers my questions in a practical sense, too. What was I learning in physical terms? That next day, my husband and I discovered a mineral called zeolite.  Among other things, it’s used for water treatment in aquariums, odor absorption in cat litter boxes, and toxic gas elimination in carpets.

When the zeolite arrived, we spread it on the carpet, worked it into the fibers, and waited an hour. With intensive vacuuming, 80-90% of the problem resolved.

[Note: For those of you who chant as part of your spiritual practice, you’ll get a laugh that I started chanting zeolite even before the product arrived. The word had special meaning for me. I wanted to experiment with cleaning up mental outgassing, and it worked!]

Your Tailor-Made Message?

Could a life message of support, healing, or encouragement be right in front of you now as you navigate your daily stressors? What might that be?

Any symbol, image, or sound that grabs our attention can be a gift just waiting to be received. Often, I find it’s best to decode through the heart rather than the mind. The mind can endlessly interpret, but the heart recognizes love instantly.

More about that in a future post. Meanwhile, let me know if you discover a gold butterfly in your midst.

Photo by Melanie Morales on Unsplash

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