picture of author as example of self-trust
Inspiration

3 Ways to Build Self-Trust

by Emma Laurence

With all the external voices clamoring for our attention, it’s easy to get knocked off center. Our best recourse is to build self-trust. We can turn within, listen more deeply, and follow our own inner compass.

How can we trust ourselves amidst noise, burnout, and disillusionment? I’ve made a study and would like to offer three ways to build the kind of self-trust that’s unshakeable. In the comments, I’d love to hear yours.

Seek and Follow Inner Guidance

The best starting place is to actively seek inner guidance. No matter what our spiritual beliefs, the practice is the same—we ask a higher being, consciousness, or self for insight.

This simple act opens our heart and mind to receive answers that are right in front of us—the ones we haven’t seen simply because we’ve been closed.

A relaxed mind and heart receives messages. Inner silence allows us to hear. If even in the slight pause between thoughts, or the very first early morning minutes, we can find receptive quiet.

Sometimes guidance comes in a flash, in the split second that we’re presented with a decision. We know.

In early 2020, I attended a birthday party held in an entertainment center. The cake served was gluten free. I almost never eat cake, but this was a celebration! And it was my favorite flavor—chocolate with vanilla icing.

I ate a piece. I wanted another. My inner voice was clear that this wasn’t a good idea. But I ate it anyway. Turned out the increased sugar intake lowered my resistance to getting sick. Before Covid was publicly known, I got the virus. After that you can bet I became more committed to following my inner voice.

We build trust by proving to ourselves that we will honor and act upon the higher guidance. Even if our choice turns out to look like a mistake, at least we stayed true to ourselves.

Keep Agreements to Yourself

Most of us know how important it is to keep our word with others in both personal and professional relationships. Our word is our bond. When it comes to making agreements with ourselves, we can use the same principle to build or restore trust.

First, it’s important to take care when choosing our agreements. I could never commit to working out at the gym, for example. It’s not enjoyable, and I won’t keep to such a promise. However, I find pickleball a blast! I can keep my agreement to myself to exercise every week because I’m having so much fun with a wonderful group of players.

Any new habit takes time to ramp up. What will ensure that we can stay on course? Asking ourselves this question in advance means we’ll have a better chance of building self-trust. Yes, we mean what we say.

We can also be flexible and compassionate if life changes and we simply cannot follow through.  Self-trust is also build when we stop and take care of ourselves if that’s the right course of action.

Never Throw Yourself Under the Bus

When I was in a major life turning point, a dear friend said to me, No matter what, don’t turn against yourself. This is what I mean by throwing yourself under the bus.

We need to be our own champions, standing by ourselves no matter what anyone else says or does. That means we give ourselves permission to grow even if our mistakes are public ones.

Our commitment, presence, and confidence in ourselves to learn and grow are great ways to build self-trust. It’s like our higher self telling our human self, I’m here for you no matter what. I’ll never shame you for learning, even if it looks ugly.

This skill is essential when we’re challenged by other people’s opinions or judgments. If we want to please others too much, we’ll toss ourselves under the wheels. What if, in the face of criticism, we instead help ourselves stand tall with dignity and grace?

The Biggest Picture

We’re all here learning. We do the best we can. Building self-trust means we increasingly navigate daily life with more peace, harmony, and enjoyment.

And even when we can’t seem to trust ourselves, we can trust life. How? Those messages we’ve asked for from a higher being, consciousness, or self are still active even when we can’t hear fully. As long as our heart is true and our commitment is clear, life will help us find our way.

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Inspiration

A Call to Greatness

by Emma Laurence

When I moved to Minnesota’s big-open-sky country this summer, I knew there would be nowhere to hide. My heart would have to expand to accept greatness in all areas of life. Hardest of all, I’d have to acknowledge this quality in myself.

The arc of accepting the highest within me began when I was eleven years old and my mother took me to her psychiatrist. My parents were getting divorced, and she wanted me evaluated. Dr. Diamond looked ancient to me. He had a round face with a bit of puffiness in the cheeks and belly. But he was kind. He didn’t talk much as he slowly handed me images from a Rorschach test, asking what I saw and taking notes on what I said. I kept apologizing for not seeing more.

After the test, Dr. Diamond consulted with my mother while I sat in the waiting room. When we got home, Mom shared one sentence of his assessment: She has greatness in her.

In that moment, I went still inside. I felt stripped of myself in a way I couldn’t explain. To a child who endured a traumatic early life, this was unexpected. For years after, I clung to the possibility, searching for something inside me beyond the darkness that I tried to hide.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us, Marianne Williamson is quoted as saying. I came to know this as a performing artist, shivering every time I stepped into expanded light. I kept being drawn to the stage, but often felt embarrassed by the outcome.

I’ve met those in the coaching field who claim your must “own” your greatness with a “You got this!” attitude. They pump up the ego with programs designed to step into a material abundance that is “rightfully yours.” Others incite emotions through a promise to impact the planet with your message, as if only this could prove your worth and success.

But there’s a deep humility and responsibility that accompanies the stewardship of greatness within us. Serving the world means surrendering repeatedly to an uncomfortable process of rearranging atoms in order to be strengthened. We are never measured by material wealth or by reaching millions of people. True greatness is quieter, farther reaching, more long lasting, and solitary.

I’ve been led to support those who’ve heard a call to something greater, whether it came through an inner nudge or an outer crisis. Three simple steps—listen, trust, follow— teach us to awaken to the guidance, answers and gifts that are right in front of us. We’re constantly invited us into a bright world of joy and service that only our greatness can answer. Will we accept?

Life’s coaching always matches our individual nature. In my world this week, two barn owls have frequented our backyard, perching atop a tree at night. Their call is a penetrating screech. I know they’ve come to support my transition, teaching me to answer the invitation to greatness.

If you’d like, you can consider this post your own invitation.