We called her Aunt Sara, though she wasn’t a blood relative. She was my maternal (Italian) grandparent’s closest friend. She still lived on “the other side of the tracks” in a small town in central New York state, and my grandfather would call her a cab or drive her home personally in his gold cadillac when she came to visit. He made fun of her being overweight, but Aunt Sara was my light in an otherwise dark place.
Aunt Sara always came bearing gifts, though I doubt she had the money to afford them. Small purses or handkerchiefs or beaded bracelets, necklaces or small toys. And, always, desserts. My favorites were the fried dough cookies smothered in honey that stuck in a gooey pile to the plate, and her melt-in-your-mouth iced lemon cookies. I used to keep sneaking back into the kitchen for another while the adults sat on the front porch, fully engaged in cocktails and conversation.
But the greatest gift my Aunt Sara gave to me was the certainty that I was loved. Truly, when I look back to my childhood, though I knew my parents loved me in their way, I felt love from Aunt Sara. Her light beamed upon me. Her joy at seeing me made me feel like the most important person in the world. And that feeling lingers decades after her passing when all that remains in my collection is her recipe for chocolate cake.
This ability to bring light to dark places is one of the most precious gifts we can give one another. Every week, I watch courageous souls dive deep into their own inner dark and imprisoned places. We go together, and I get to hold the light while the rage, shame or terror is seen, heard, validated, loved, set free. Then, the present-day pathway to happiness and trust and fulfillment becomes clear.
Within us is always a being, or part of ourselves, carrying this light. When we land in darkness, we can call upon the light-bearer to illuminate a path to truth and freedom. If we can remember even one person whose love we never doubted, that is our reminder, our beacon home.
Thank you, Aunt Sara, for your eternally radiant smile, your warmth, and your all- embracing softness. Thank you for your humor, patience and joy. I carry you with me still.